Monday, December 29, 2008

This Just In!!!

Okay. So there is some breaking news. Results just came out for sem 1. HAHA! CUI!!!

I think I got the grades that I rightfully deserved. That's to say my grades weren't fantastic nor were they rock bottom.

I was kinda stressed out about this result cuz it would validate the choice that I made a couple of years ago and the choice that I made earlier this month. I WILL SURVIVE! Strive on.

Okay. Enough about results.

Over the weekend before Xmas, I spent some time in Orchard doing some carolling for the Hall Prod Fund. Walking up and down Orchard, it really began to sink in how commercialised Xmas has truly become. It's not like I haven't written the same exact thing last Xmas and the Xmas before that, but it's still something that bothers me. Worse still, I think I've lost the true Christmas Spirit as well.

I remember when Christmas was such a big deal in my family. When we used to host 40 people around a gigantic table set up in my living room. I don't mean buffet style. I mean an actual table where everyone has a place with a name card, a plate and cutlery set up for each and every person. When we used to take time off every one's schedules to set up the Christmas tree together and go the Cold Storage at Centrepoint to buy the food (haha! it's almost a Eurasian Christmas tradition). How we'd wait for everyone to be seated and say Grace together. My family hardly ever says grace before eating, so Christmas dinner grace was a 1x GOOD ONE to settle the rest of the year. =Þ

This year, I admit I had almost nothing to do with the Christmas celebration at home. It was all my sister this year. She made everything happen. The presents, the decorating of the house, the setting up of the Christmas tree and the shopping for food. I really should have made time for all that. I put hall stuff in front of home stuff.

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that the true Spirit of Christmas is in the food, presents and a fake fir tree. It's the celebration of the first Christmas present, Christ Himself. But in the midst of the good food, wonderful presents and a well decorated (albeit fake) tree is the one thing that matters. Family. The celebration is as much about family (or in fact more) than all the glitz and lights and showiness that is today's commercialised Xmas.

Well. As it is year after year, New Year's is just a week away from Christmas and is in fact just a couple of days ahead of this post. Is 2009 a time of change for me? I honestly think so. It might just be the right time. We'll see.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Year end Report

Well. This year has been quite an adventure for me. A lot of first times to experience, a lot of people to meet and a lot of new environments to get used to. So my year end report is really really long. Hope you guys enjoy.

Official Release Day

It's been a funny sort of year. I started out my year well and truly in an ORD mood. My ORD date was in February but my understudy came late in the previous year so I was in the office more as a figurehead than anything. Coincidentally, my ORD fell on the same day as Chinese New Year. So not only did I get angbaos, I also got my NRIC back from the SAF (symbol of freedom!!).

Strangely enough though, ORD was a little hollow. I'd been working with these people for about one and a half years and it was strange not having to wake up at 7 in the morning and make my way to squadron where we'd bitch about how much we didn't like certain organisations, whose name shall not be mentioned, and then leave at 5 in the evening. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I wanna be an NSF again. It's just that not being able to hang out with the people in squadron kinda sucked.

One teh O aise limau, one Bandung

Saving slowly dwindled in March as the hunt for a job turned up nothing. But it was in mid March that I joined Bro_isk, Narada, Durani and Sam for a ride in Bandung, Indonesia. It's a smaller city abt 200km from Jakarta and we went to ride up dormant volcano in nearby Lembang town. Fantastic views and some really good trails. The best of which was a trail through a tea plantation. The plantation was terraced and we were riding along one of the terraces. So we'd have tea bushes on one side and a sheer cliff down about 10 metres on the other side. Excellent.

Another year, another candle

April wasn't too fantastic in terms of job hunting either. But it was my 21st birthday, so some aunts and uncles gave angbaos which helped to boost my bank account at least for a while. My birthday was just the way I wanted it. Small gathering of the people that are important to me. Got ponded and raped by them. But they're still important to me.

Of first times and good times

Also in April, I set off again to get my passport stamped. This time with a US stamp. It was the first time I'd ever been to the US, so I was undeniably excited. The plane ride was torture. Making me sit there and wait and wait and wait..... and wait some more. Haha. If only planes were like a looooot faster.

New York was amazing. In some ways, Manhattan is very like Singapore. There always stuff to do and the subways are really excellent (except on some weekends when they do maintenance works). I liked going for walks around Manhattan and just people watch. I caught a little league baseball game down at what I think was Hudson Park, went to see Lady Liberty, ate at this great burger joint in the middle of Madison Square Park called the Shake Shack and saw the FDNY in action. Later that same trip, we went to San Francisco as well. Went to the Golden Gate bridge, Alcatraz, Fisherman's Wharf and the Farmer's Market.

The Thin Red Line

After I got back from the States, I had a really interesting time relief teaching at back at my old JC. Haha it was only a week and it was only teaching PE but it was still a fulfilling stint. It was actually kinda weird sitting with my former teachers in the canteen having lunch with them. It was like crossing the line between students and teachers. It was kinda boring having to watch people trying over and over again to pass their fitness tests, but it was fulfilling watching some of them finally pass their test. The look of achievement on their faces made it worthwhile.

From Paris to Berlin London

Yet another first that came this year was my trip to London and Paris to visit my relatives there. I loved London. There was history and culture everywhere you turned in Central London and there was no shortage of things to do. Haha. The only thing that I didn't like was that you couldn't get booze after 12mn. Totally wth lah.

But just being in London seemed so exciting. There was so much to see. The British Museums, the old buildings like the Tower of London, the West End, Greenwich, the National Gallery, the Tate and so many other museums.

Paris was just as excellent. On recommendation, we stayed at a small three star hotel just on the bank of the River Seine. The Hotel Victoria Chatalet. The best part? We were like 5 mins from the Louvre Museum, a stone's throw away from Notre Dame cathedral and had a direct bus to the Musee D'Orsay. Awesome!!! The first day we got into Paris, we kinda got lost walking around the Subway system. The hotel was just across the road from the station entrance but the station entrance is like a 5 min walk away from the platform, and frankly, the smell of the underground stank. It smelt of old plasticine, in short just plain disgusting. To top it all off, it was raining. To make it even worse, we hadn't had lunch and it was 4 pm. To compound that, the first meal we had in Paris, FRANCE, was KFC!!

But it was summer, so thankfully we had light till about 10pm. That very evening, we went to see the Notre Dame cathedral, the Royal Opera House and the lights of the Louvre at night. Over the next two days, we went through the whole of the Louvre, walked the whole of the Champs Elysée (with all the super expensive branded stuff), climbed 284 steps to the top of the Arc de Triomphe, went through the whole of the Musee D'Orsay, took three different elevators to the top of the Eiffel Tower and ate the most expensive piece of Salmon I'd ever tasted.

After this trip to Europe, I only have to venture into South America, Africa and Antarctica before I can say that I've been to all the continents on Earth.

Back to School

After coming back from Europe, I had about two weeks before the start of Hall orientation camp which would signify the start of my university life.

August was a time of change and a month to remember for me. A new school, a new room, new neighbours and a totally new lifestyle. So when I unlocked the door to my room in hall for the first time, I was undeniably apprehensive.

But from the first icebreaker games on the first night of FOC, I could feel that there was something about this group of people that promised a great week ahead and even better times to come in hall. And the time that we spent together during FOC proved me right. The games that we played during the day and the late nights spent at the block 13 car park practising for the Cheer Fight Cheer was physically tiring as well as mentally exhausting but it bound us together as a family. Even after FOC, the strong bonds that we formed held as the freshmen went through their first semester in NTU with our seniors in hall guiding us through.

Staying in Hall One has been a whole new adventure and the friends that I have made in hall have been a integral part of that adventure. Although it may sound clichéd, it is true that my life in NTU would not be at all the same if it wasn't for the crazy, fun-loving bunch of people that I live with in Hall.

'Tis the season to be busy

Finally, December is here. It's been a really busy period and although there is no school, I find myself spending my whole week in school. Hall prod rehearsals in the day, meetings at night, hanging out friends at night and inter-hall games and trainings meant that life got really busy. And it still is. I have carolling sessions to raise funds pretty much all the way until Xmas eve so that's keeping me busy. Plus the song writing which is actually behind schedule. But I like it cuz I'm doing something that I'm truly interested in and that is totally different from what I trudge through in school.

Well. This is probably my last post of the year (unless there is some breaking news that I would want to share). But it's really long so it should sustain you guys for a long time.


Thursday, December 11, 2008

Busy 25 hrs a Day

In between rehearsals, song writing, meetings, inter-hall games, trainings etc, I barely have enough time to sit down and do nothing.

I guess I kinda like that as well. Being busy all day beats having nothing to do and stuck at home or in my room. And I'm enjoying pretty much everything that I'm doing right now so I don't really mind.

But guess the lack of sleep is kinda slowing me down. Have been sleeping like an average of 4 hrs every night this week. Yeah, yeah. I know it's not too good. But I can't really help it.

Oh well.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Not for the First time, not gonna be the last

I know it's not going to be the last time I feel this way but it sucks.

On a slightly different note, I'm feeling creatively constipated. I still need to work on my songs but nothing's coming out. Haha. And deadlines are fast approaching. DIE!

I've watched like dozens of musicals just to get inspiration. HSM 1, 2 and 3, Hairspray, Phantom, even bloody Sound of Music. Haha, I don't think I've ever been so Musically saturated at any other point in my life. Heck, I've even watched some of the old Disney cartoons.

HAHA! I just realised I wrote an unintentional pun. "different note", "music" haha. Get it? zzzzzzzz

Friday, November 28, 2008

Good Music, Good Life

Alright!! Forever the Sickest Kid has an album. Haha, actually I think it came out a few months ago. But I wasn't really looking out for it. But now it's out, woots!!

Sister Hazel - Your Mistake

Good song.
I wanna be good
I wanna be great
I wanna everything except for your mistake...

goodness. what lyrics. simple and yet so impactful.

I just found out that I have to write all the songs for the Hall Production Musical by the 20th of Dec. HAHA! 1x jialat jialat. They want to include the lyrics of the songs in the programme booklet which is really cool. But it also pushes up my schedule but about a month. AHHH!!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

I'm done

Okay. This post is probably overdue. It's Thursday and I finished my papers three days ago. I probably should do some self-reflection and a post-mortem on the semester that has passed. But a post-mortem would be much more significant when they find my body in two weeks time after the results are posted.

Seriously, a borderline student's best friends are moderation and method marks.

Oh well. Looks like it's going to be a bust month for me. I have alot of stuff that needs to be taken care of.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Living in silence, dying incognito.
The solitary soul stares at His own reflection.
All around turtle doves in the human form walk by.
Do they notice him? Is He worth their second glance?

Thoughts of the respite of Darkness try to comfort Him
As He walks through the desolate roads of His mind.
Thoughts of the cool nothingness of Darkness.
Thoughts that are quickly banished from existence.

For He is not as a swaying weed is weak,
He cannot be so easily brought to His knees.
Persevere! He cries to the army of those like Him.
Live! He preaches to those who wish to hear.

With resolute hands, He unbinds the man made shackles.
Reunited with Liberty lost, His heart once again beats.
Not with blood alone but with passion now unbridled
For His heart does not just live for the physical realm

He turns to the burdens He once bore as they lie waiting.
And waiting is all they ever will be.
Held back He was but a lonesome man.
Freed He is alive.

Monday, November 17, 2008


Dammit. I just want to drop dead. I'm staring at my notes and they don't make sense to me at all. I was staring at a past year paper which just compounded the issue by making it all too clear how much I don't know.

I still can't figure out why I took on so many commitments outside of school. Yet another mistake to chalk up to my unending list of lifetime mistakes. By the time I'm done with all the other stuff, I'm just too tired to do any proper schoolwork. The backlag of stuff unlearnt is the restitution for all the time spent over the past three months doing everything else.

I'm not saying that I regret joining in on all these activities and meeting great new people (and not so great people as well), but it's just that I now feel my priorities were set in all the wrong places.

I just want to die. Right here, right now. Am I a strong person? No. I just can't face the consequence of my actions or rather my inaction.

Catholic Penitential Rite
I have sinned through my own fault ... in what I've done and what I've failed to do ...

Strong words. And a good prayer for forgiveness.

Monday, November 10, 2008

The Illusionist

Deceit. No, it's not the chair that you are sitting on.

It's the way that your mind plays tricks on you. It's the way your emotions make you think one thing at one moment and something else at the next.

Is it a lie the way that I feel? Possibly. And as the days go by, the more likely it seems. The gut instinct that I may have yet again made a bad judgement call accrues with time. Too many people knew of this decision before it was formally thought through. Which makes it hard for me to back out of my choice.

No. I'm neither wallowing in despair nor hiding in the shadows. I am but marching to a beat that is not from my drum.

I am as a small boat in the ocean. Sailing under my own power albeit controlled by the drifting currents of other people's opinions.

I can't write freely here. It's not right.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Why so serious?

The problem with being a "happy" person is that no one ever sees the dark side of you. What's hidden behind the smile and what is hurting you deep down inside. Can I say that I identify with The Joker? Well, to an extent. Not to the extent of being psychotic murderous maniac but to more towards the tortured-soul-masked-behind-a-smile side of The Joker.

I don't think that it's cuz of anything other than my inability to open up to people. I'm just not the feely emotional kinda person that will just pour out all my frustrations the moment I have a chance. I bottle and store away all my grievances and try to forget their existence.

School stress? I've been seeing the pile of ciggies in the dustbin outside my room ominously growing. I'm almost at a pack every two days now. Not an achievement that I'm very proud of. Do they help me relax? Yes. There is something about the nicotine and the high I get that helps to loosen up and clear my mind. Am I dependant on them? I'm afraid to say that I am, but the truth is that I do have a certain level of dependency on the "comfort" of a stick in my hand.

I can't help but thinking of the fact that after these exams that I'm suffering so hard for is at least another 7 more exam periods that I'll have to go through in my life here in NTU. Depressing yet true. For those that are in the same position as me right now reading this, I sincerely apologise for reminding you guys of the sad truth.

But like a sine curve, life has its ups and downs. Unlike the sine curve, these maxima and minima are not of equal magnitude nor are they equally spaced. TAKE HEART! Without these lows, the highs do not make any sense. Without knowing what the lows are, the highs will just merely be points without any significance.

All I can say is that I'm going to take these low periods of my life as they come. Hope you'll join me in celebrating the high points and commiserate with me during the lows.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Lonely. I am so lonely.

Finally getting into the swing of the exam fever. Have a lot to catch up on, but at least I've started doing something about it. Too little, too late? We shall have to see.

"It's her hair and her eyes today
That just simply take me away
And the feeling that I'm falling further in love
make me shiver but in a good way"
- Out of my League, by Stephen Speaks.

Goodness. I still love that song. Some of my friends say that it's just descriptive and not a lyrically potent love song. But I feel it puts into words what can't be put into words. You know what I mean? Like it describes all that you love about someone but can't seem to express why you love that person.

I let some of the hall prod people hear the chorus to one of the songs that wrote for the musical last night and got some good reviews. It's not as good as "Out of my League" but it's plot progressive and "Disney"ish. So I think it's going well. Excited about the final product.

Well. Can't rest on my laurels for too long. So it's back to my books for me.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I think I've spread myself out too thinly. With all the stuff that I have on other than school itself, I'm finding myself with less and less time to myself. I'm sure that I have lots to blog about, but I'm having the worst mental block ever. My mind is not processing anything at all! I can't believe the stuff that I wrote just now for my hall's theatre production. Total CRAP! Goodness.

Do you know what's it like to have set out your life's plan, done everything that you needed to make it happen and then discover that maybe that's not what you want in life? I think uni has turned my life up on it's head and kicked its arse. I am again without direction and purpose. And without any drive. All this coming 3 weeks and a day to exams. Shit.

Am I just a thinker and not a doing? I can't seem to fathom how people can sit and repetitively do math questions the whole day. I get bored like after the first hour. I can't do it! I can't do anything that requires me to repeat the same motion over and over again. To go through exactly the same process again and again with different figures and detail but with an undeniable similarity. GRRR!!!


Friday, October 10, 2008

A Ray of Light in Darkness

At last! Something that I can be happy about in school. Just got back two of my midterm results. I got a 63% for my physics and a 80% for my chemistry paper. The 63 sounds quite low, but it's quite an average score among the cohort. And the 80 may sound very high, but again it's just average among the rest of the cohort.

Nonetheless! I think it's encouraging news that couldn't come at a better time. I don't wanna get myself carried away cuz I know that this is just a mid term and it's probably not as difficult as the finals are going to be. But still it's a nice boost to my morale.

There is still a long way to go. But at least I'm getting there slowly but surely.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Out of Body Experience

Sometimes I feel that I'm neither here nor there. Someone once told me that I'm a Jack-of-all-trades. But as the saying goes:

"Jack of all trades, master of none"

And to an extent I think that it's true. I can logically discuss topics from Art to Zulu Tribesmen. But I know of nothing in depth. My knowledge of most topics are quite touch and go without going too far in.

Have I found my niche? Where I can personally excel? Nope.

Generally, most people will spilt academic subjects into arts and science. Well. I can't paint, nor can I draw complex free body diagrams. But I can discuss economic performance of a country and I can find the frictional forces between two objects.

I'm sitting in a very precarious position in the fence between the two and honestly I don't know which side to get off on. I'm good at theoretical science, but I'm nuts when it comes to actual calculations. I love the arts, but I suck at creating art and essay writing. I'm just in a lose-lose situation.

Today was yet another over my head physics tutorial. I find that the tutorials are total rubbish. It's more for people that know all the answers to find out whether they are right or not. It does nothing for people like me that don't know HOW to start getting the answers. Maybe it's cuz I'm a minority (which is scary in itself).

You have to forgive the bitching that I've been doing here for the past few posts. I just find that I haven't found myself yet. That I'm going through the motions of a life that is not mine to live.

One of my sergeants once said to me that he planned to live till 30. Do absolutely nothing with his life but enjoy that fact that it was his. And after that is done, to just fade into oblivion. I'm beginning to sign on to that life plan thought I feel that I could probably do much more with what is given to me. But the thing is, that I don't know what is it I'm meant to do.

I wish I could just stay in blissful ignorance of the world around me. Not have to wonder where my next pay cheque will be coming from. Still in some forgotten corner of the world with beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other, drinking as the world swirls around me into darkness. Awakening to the cold feel of another icy newly opened bottle. Siiiigh........

Monday, September 29, 2008

On the way to Academic excellence?


Totally funny. I went for computing lecture today in the hopes of packing some last minute info into that little space between my ears. All in the hope that it may help my chances of survival during this Saturday's computing mid-term (yes! my computing mid-term paper is on a Saturday. wtf!).

Was so proud of myself. I actually managed to follow the lecture and write a proper code on my lappie. And it wasn't just headless-chicken typing. I knew what I was typing. Awesome eh? For a moment, I thought I might have a chance of avoiding impending doom.


(you knew that this "UNTIL" was coming. don't act so surprised)

Until the end of the lecture. The lecturer flashes a slide with the info on the mid-term paper. "Topics Covered: Chapters 1-7".
I look at my notes and realise that what was covered today was Chapter 8. The uncontrollable stream of "fuck"s and other varied obscenity was largely frowned upon by those sitting around me. Oh well...

My computer lecturer is interesting. Not in terms of content. Rather in general appearances. He looks like Wang Fei Hong and talks like Adolf Hilter. It's the kind of cross-pollination that has your mind swirling. Honestly...

Friday, September 26, 2008


Dammit. It's been a terrible week thus far. My back's been killing me, my four day old cough is not getting any better and the flu isn't doing me any good as well..

I've accomplished NOTHING in way of actual work during recess week.

I can't get to sleep either. It's 2 am and I'm still awake cuz everytime I lie down, I'll start coughing and hacking up phelghm. Am I grossing you out? Well, try being me and see how you feel.

I'm just plain pissed off. Feel like screaming out my frustrations, but it would come out as an awful sounding hack instead of a proper scream of anguish. So that's just plain not worth it, is it now.

I can't even win at mahjong! I lost like 18 bucks on Monday. And we were playing a small game.

It's just not been my week. I thought I'd never say it, but I can't wait for school to start again next week. Get back some sense of normality in this place.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Weather Forecast: Clouded Minds in the Early Afternoon

I don't know. And I've not known for a long time. Why does life seem so easy for some and yet is such a struggle for others. I can't say that my life is unbearable but neither is it a breeze. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Am I really studying what I want? Am I living my life the way I want to?

I just find that the more questions I answer, the more questions come up. And everytime I think I've found the right answer, the more it seems that it's the wrong one.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Big Bong Theory

I know it's an age old arguement. But it's nice to revisit old friends once in a while.

I came across something today in my chem lecture notes that really got me thinking. According to Dalton's Atomic Theory, atoms cannot be destroyed, CREATED or transformed into atoms of other elements. In saying that, he is saying that since the beginning of the Earth and the universe, there have been the same number of Oxygen atoms, the same number of carbon atoms, the same number of hydrogen atoms and so on and so on. So how in the world did these atoms get “created” if by your theory, atoms can't be created. Most physicists take the Big Bang theory to be true. But honestly, what is the theory saying. It's saying that out of nothing there was a BANG and then the universe was there. Ermm. And they say that theologists are irrational.

I honestly cannot say for sure where I stand on the topic because as a scientist, I'd like to think that everything can be explained using simple logic and not having to bring in an unknown quantity known as “God”. But as a Catholic, my faith is what drives me and I do believe that there is a Guy up there looking over me.

I've found on thing about science students. I'm not too sure about all scientists but this is what I can observe from the people in my course. I find that science students have a tendency to be non-team players. As in most would rather rely on themselves and their own capabilities and not have to depend on the efforts of others. In a sense, that can be good as it's a motivation to do better on a personal level. But on a larger scale, who can call themselves an island. There has to be some kind of interaction with the world around you.

I have a thoery on this. Don't worry, there are no large explosions out of nothing or talk of what atoms are made of. I think that as scientists, we are trained to remove variables. When we are forming equations, we would like to use as little variables as possible and if there are any, we would like to make sure that we have as accurate a figure as possible. So scientist, science students included, have a tendancy to remove unknown variables from the equation of life. Unknowns make equations and solving of equations difficult. So why introduce them at all? Why not just cut them all off and use the variables that you know? Like how hard you work and how seriously you take this project.

I'm not saying that scientists are anti-social. I'm just saying that they don't like unknowns. But once a variable is know to them, they are more than willing to make use of them. It may be harder to get into their equations but finally, the impact that your known variable will make is remarkable.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

And so the shit hits the fan

Man. My whole life has become centered around school. And hall. All my time seems to be spent doing various uni activities. I haven't even trailed for about two months already and met the north riders like once only since school has started.

I think it's really high time for me to start gaining momentum. The rest of my cohort taking the same course as me seem to be freakin' brilliant. My tutorials are spent trying to copy down answers while they fire away about some distant concept and formula. Maths is where I feel it the most. I just had the most demoralising maths quiz on wednesday about limits. I just sat at my desk in stunning silence as the rest were scribbling away on the way to solving and getting full marks. I honestly did not know how to even start.


Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Shot thru the Brain and I'm to blame

At the end of last week, I can honestly say that I was depressed. Not to the point of being clinically depressed but morale was low in the Bong camp. Every single day of the week, I'd gone to class and just sat there in stunned silence as the class continued to discuss concepts that were flying over my head (have you seen Jeff Dunham's Peanut? rreeoowww...). It's not a good feeling. But what am I to do? I don't really have a lot of things going on. Just the pageant thing. But that's taking up like most of my time. Sleeping at 2, waking up at 7.30, class all day, dinner at 6, pageant training at 8, finish training at 1. Every single day.

I'm barely meeting assignment deadlines. Actually I've already missed a few. I can't even stay awake long enough during lectures for the lecturer to read the lecture title. I've blogged about inertia before preventing me from getting started on many of my life objectives but now i realise how badly that inertia is affecting me. It's easy to say something and realise the gravity of the situation, but again, it's incredibly hard to go out and do something about it. I've thought about it through many a sleepless night here in hall, and I still can't get my engine started!

I think the worst blow to my morale is the fact that I came into Physics after a highpoint in my JC when I was doing pretty well for Physics. I felt confident of coming to uni and being able to perform. But getting that reality check of what Uni physics is like was like slamming into a brick wall. It's really hitting me hard. I just feel like screaming to let out the frustration that's building up in the inside.

Feeling brain dead. Wishing I was...

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

What is MY destiny?

In Greek mythology, the Fates were these three women that spun, measured and cut lengths of string that symbolised one's life, immortal or mortal. They would decide how long your string would be and how it intertwined with the other pieces of string that they cut. It was said that even Zeus was subject to the influence of the Fates' weaving.

It really makes you wonder. What if there really are three women somewhere on some island, long forgotten by the likes of the mortals living on this earth, spinning and weaving the threads of life into the most intricate web of connections, chance meetings and fleeting encounters. Have you ever walked past someone in a crowded place, turned around to get a second look only to find that she has disappeared into the crowd never to be seen again? That brush of your two strings coming into contact but not woven together is something inexplicable.

Being the day dreamer that I am, I've always imagined myself surfing the web of lives that the Fates are constantly weaving. Going from one life to another at the instant that they brush against each other. Imagining myself living out their lives, living their encounters and again skipping along to the next person as they walk past each other, interacting only with their eyes. And finally getting back to my life as the connections eventually connect to a brief encounter with the empty shell that is my body.

Yet another day dream I have again involves me leaving my body and floating through the void in time-space looking at the tapestry that the Fates weave. Trying to find the line that is mine is impossibly hard and even when I do find a section of it, it's impossible to follow. Desperately trying to figure out how my life continues, my eyes scan over the incomprehensible design that emerges from the loom. Strings of different colours, lengths, thicknesses. All combine to form a picture that is a work of art though you cannot explain why. As your eyes pass over the weave, your eyes see but your mind is unable to process what you're seeing and you forget what you have seen in the web the moment your eyes pass over it.

The Fates return to the room and catch me trying to understand their logic and patterns. They chase me out of the room and I'm left outside attempting to recall whatever I have seen. But nothing seems to come to me.

What is our destinies? Are we controlled by some immortal beings that twist and tangle our lives to a whim? Or do we really have control over what we do?

Are our decisions already made for us by destiny or to we have to ability to change where our strings are headed and take into our hands what we truly want?

Questions, though rhetorical, that are important that we answer for ourselves. The irony of my last statement does not escape me. For I myself have not taken my life fully under my control. My string is still being shifted and woven by forces unseen and hands controlled by others. When is it too late for me to take control? What is MY destiny?

Friday, August 15, 2008


Every now and then, life get's complicated. It's not anything major but all the small little things that add up and form just one big mess.

In hall there are tons of cats that just amble around daily, meowing when they want food and perching themselves on ledges and stuff surveying their "kingdoms". Sigh. If only our lives could be as carefree as that. I guess that just comes with the territory as a sentient being. Knowing and understanding your surroundings in such an abstract manner is both a blessing and a curse. Many animals communicate through obvious and standard sets of actions and vocalisations. But humans have this tendancy to pass messages through often unseen and unheard mediums.

We are not telepathic!! At least not most of us. Mostly, we're just PATHEtic. That we all imagine ourselves here on Earth to fulfil some great destiny and become legends. I don't understand what is wrong with just BEING. No, I did not omit anything. I mean being as in just existing in this Earth for sole purpose of taking up otherwise unused space. What's with all the politic-ing and the scheming, etc? Why can't we all just exist together.

Enough randoming. It's 5.30 and I have lecture in 4 hrs. Bah!

[edit] [15/08/2008 @ 1424h] I missed the leacture. zzzzz.... [/edit]

Monday, August 11, 2008


The first week of school has been kinda weird. Mixed feelings. It was nice to get back to some form of intellectual stimulation but at the same time, my mental inertia is not letting me get anything substantial into my head. honestly, hall life is a little stressful. you gotta think about how to get enough points to stay in hall. and then you obviously have to contend for modules. and keep your grades up (which is the main reason that you're there, lest ye forget).

hall camp was seriously fun. had to throw away one of my singlets cuz it was too far beyond saving. with the flour and the eggs and the tao yu and the chilli sauce and whatever other nonsense they threw on us, my singlet actually went stiff.

but as a new week looms around the corner, the realisation of how much my timetable actually sucks is beginning to set in. on Mondays, i have four hours of lab work, an hour's break and lectures for another four hours. DIE!!! my Tuesdays are completely different. a two hour lect in the morning after which i have to wait till 1630h for my next class. Super WTF right?


Friday, July 25, 2008

And so it begins....

Have been watching a lot of The Big Bang Theory lately. It's this kinda new sitcom about two roommates, an experimental physicist and a theoretical scientist, who come home one day to find that this hot single white female, played by Kaley Cuoco (whoa!), has moved into the apartment across the hall from them. They're totally awkward socially and so the series revolves around the "beauty" and the "geeks", so to speak, and how Leonard, the physicist, falls for her and tries to woo her.

What's kinda scary is that I kinda relate to the geeks and their definitions of fun, except not to the extent of having Halo nights once a week. (Firstly cuz I don't have an Xbox. Hint hint..) And the fact that I'll be studying physics as my major. So I shall be avoiding theoretical scientists like the plague and I certainly will not be rooming with them.

School's gonna start in about two weeks and I'll be moving into my new room tomorrow with Loba (who's taking mechanical eng so that's totally diff from theoretical science. I hope?) and as daunting as that sounds, it's made even worse by the fact that the only thing I've studied in the past two years in my driving basic theory book. And I didn't make it past the first chapter of that.

Well. Like at every stage of my education, I have to start off the term with the promise to myself that I'll be diligent in my work, finish all tutorials and assignments on time and leave some time for me to have a life (with or without an Xbox). And again, like at every stage of my education, I have to tell myself not to make promises that I can't keep. So this whole paragraph is sort of a +1-1= 0 kinda thing. Argh.

One thing that I'm excited about going back to school is the prospect of intellectual stimulation. I've been effective brain dead for the past two years and that the SAF claims your brain along with your pink IC when you get enlisted didn't help me one bit. Doing sudoku puzzles are not ideal ways of keeping the mind active either cuz they're not really puzzles once you know the technique of solving them. It's too uniform and so strictly bound by rules that slotting numbers in gets a little boring after a while. So actual science would be a welcome change from viewing the world in 9 3x3 boxes with the numbers 1 to 9 floating around.

Aaaah. Will be having hall orientation for practically the whole of next week. So the next time I blog, I should have settled down nicely into my new room. Cheers to that.

Have a lot of things lined up in the next two to three weeks, including weekends that I've already begun to lose track of what's what and when's what. I would use my organiser. But I've gone and lost it. Double ARGH. With a capital ARGH.

I leave with a quote from this book that I'm reading called "Anansi Boys" by Neil Gaiman. "Things. They came up. That's what things do. They come up. I can't be expected to keep track of them all."

And that's the excuse I'll be using for the next two weeks.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

What's Up?

Okay. I'm officially pissed off with facebook. Been trying to put the pics up from my UK/Paris but every time I try, it takes forever. And then tells me that I've timed out my session and the upload failed.

So far I've only been able to upload one set of photos from Paris. So let that whet your appetite till I get more up...

Monday, June 30, 2008

'Ello There, Mate

Arrived in Heath row airport just little over 48 hours ago. After a long 13 hr flight, the hour's taxi ride into the heart of London to my grand-aunt Eleanor's house was an hour too long for my liking. But we finally got in and managed to settle in nicely. Her house is in an apartment block right in the centre of London just one street down from Baker St made famous by the brilliant detective Sherlock Holmes.

Being so near the centre of town also meant that it's right smack in the middle of all the London attractions that we wanted to visit like the British Museum which we visited yesterday. Spent a good 4 hours walking through the many wings of the museum till our feet hurt.

Spend the day today with some other relatives that I have in London having lunch at a cafe in Regent's Park which is just a five minute walk away from where I'm staying.

Have the coming week's programme more or less lined up and confirmed already. Will be visiting the Drury Lane theatre tomorrow (the oldest functioning theatre in the world, or so I'm told), shopping and a West End musical on Tues and then off to Paris on Wednesday for a short three day trip.

All sounds like a good lot of fun. Am sitting in an Internet Cafe so I am currently unable to upload the many photos that I have. Will do all that when I get back home.

Till the next update.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Crackin' Vids

Freakin' amazing video. Weezer's Pork & Beans off their new album...
Look out for your YouTube favourites like the Canon in D boy, Numa Numa guy, the dramatic chipmunk, the kung fu/karate dude, diet coke and mentos ppl just to name a few. Plus a parody of a certain Apologetic video and a really cool second chorus at 1:48.

and another awesome song from Cobra Starship - Guilty Pleasures.
First you have to watch the original MV...

Then the awesome new remake.

Monday, June 23, 2008

For Sale: 1x Human Brain, almost new hardly used

Working for the last couple of days as a street surveyor, I really got to see a lot of different personalities. Some of them nice, some not so. But what I can say for sure is that this job is not easy. After a couple of hours of rejections and plain dismissals, you really begin to beg for recognition as a human being. I even began saying thank you to those that turned around to reject you with some lame excuse about having to be somewhere five minutes ago for the sole reason that they bothered to acknowledge your existence and that you warranted a response as a fellow sentient being.

I also learnt on the job that if you really want your own personal space in a crowded area, you should carry a clipboard and wear a lanyard around your neck. This got me at least a two metre radius of empty space around me down Orchard Road. Amazing, truly.

Honestly, this whole year so far has pretty much been largely inefficient for me. I haven’t accomplished many of the things that I had set out to do at the start of the year. I’m left with a pretty much emptied out bank account, not much in the way of intellectual growth and zero developments in terms of a personal life. I mean, I’m home on a Monday afternoon trying to figure out what to do with myself.

I’ve actually got quite a lot of things on my to-do list but as Newton explained, inertia retards any efforts to move a stationary object due to the object’s mass. And I have gained a bit of weight in the last few months. So in that sense, I’m actually looking forward to the start of school. At least there will be something that needs to be done and a greater motivation to get off my ass and actually do something for a change. A change of lifestyle will be more than welcomed.

-- --

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

US Trip (Summary)

Okay. So I'm getting a little lazy. It'll take too long to do a day by day summary of my trip. And my pictures are taking a little longer to upload cuz I lost my handphone cable. Shucks...

But being in the USA was a real eye opener. Especially cuz I got to see quite a few aspects of the States. The busy New York streets, a slightly more laid back San Fran and the small town Porterville, CA.

I liked New York. It was the most like S'pore in the terms of the crowds, the way that everyone is too busy to notice a bride and groom taking the subway after their wedding (this shall be explained when my pics are uploaded) and the way that the city never sleeps. But as one of my sister's friend pointed out, that is just Manhattan. The other parts of the city like Harlem and Brooklyn are actually quite different places. And as we drove over the Williamsburg bridge into Brooklyn, I totally understood. Graffiti on the walls, dilapidated buildings, just reminders that the city is not just split by the waterways that run through the city, but also by the income disparity that marks its own boundaries.

My sister's wedding was a really sweet affair. Attended by just close friends and family (in a pub no less), it was intimate not overboard like many large scale invite-everyone-that-we-have-ever-met-in-our-lifetime weddings. Totally unrehearsed and rather informal. My step dad had the honour of walking my sis down the aisle to her waiting fiance, again another impromptu addition to the wedding programme. The open bar helped to liven up the reception and the food was fantastic.

The morning after the wedding, we had to pack up and get to the airport by 6am to catch our flight to San Fran. In San Francisco, yet another reminder that the US is a rich country. But behind the statistics, the high economic output of the country, is the reality that while the rich are RICH (read as stinking-bloody rich), the poor are also very poor. On the bus back to the apartment we were staying at in San Fran, I saw a cluster of, not one but many, homeless people taking refuge in the back alley behind the Asian Museum of Art just opposite City Hall. Bear in mind that this is in the evening and temperatures are beginning to fall. Even with a coat on, you could feel the difference in the air and the wind made it worse. These people have threadbare coats and newspapers to keep them warm while everyone else has comforters and heaters.

I'm not being idealistic and saying that the government has to come in and clothe all of them, give them nice houses and feed them. But it is quite remarkable that in the Land of Plenty, these people have been left behind. Makes you wonder what their stories are. Do they have families? Did they once have everything that we have? And more importantly, how did they end up sleeping on the streets? Problems should be solved at the root and the root cause is thus the key. Most of all, I think these people do not have means to generate stable incomes which is what prevents them from buying houses and basic utilities. This is no fault of anyone except market forces.

Unfortunately, in creating and maintaining a growing economy, there are consequences that cannot always be avoided. For instance, in imposing a minimum wage, the artificially set wage levels create a difference in labour demanded and labour supplied. So instead of reaching equilibrium, there is a shortfall in the labour demanded. But enough of that. My views on American society can wait for another time.

The sights in San Fran was really something else. It is a much more laid back city compared to New York so you didn't really feel the need to rush anyway. We went to see Lombard St, i.e. the crookedest street in the world, The Golden Gate bridge, the USS Pampanito which is one of the few seaworthy submarines left from WWII and Alcatraz island. Basically all the touristy stuff.

After we dropped my aunt off in Belmont for her weekend meetings with her company bosses there, we took the 5 hr drive down to my bro-in-law's (Adan) hometown of Porterville, which is abt 200mi south of San Fran. It's not exactly a small town like that you would see in "Population 436" (awful movie by the way), but it is much smaller than the town giant cities we were in before that. The town's only cinema is pretty much all the entertainment that you're gonna get. The main thing that got to me was the amount of open land that they have. Even when I was in Lembang in Indonesia, you didn't see open spaces like this. In Malaysia and Indonesia, most of the land is hilly so you don't see the full expanse of the land. But in California, the land is flat and goes on and on. You have not see the horizon until you see it in CA. There are some hills and a lake that we visited in Porterville but still the horizon was more than a distant line separating land and sky. It was where land disappeared.

After a Saturday BBQ at Adan's parents place and a Sunday visit to the lake and river in Sequoia National Park, we made the 200 mile journey back to San Fran to catch our plane back to Taipei and eventually back to S'pore.

So ended my American adventure. But in about a month's time, I'll be off again to London. So there'll be more posts to come. Stay Tuned....

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Of Tiger, Dragons & Green Ladies

Over the past three days, I have been the ultimate tourist. Camera out, head upwards n getting lost on the subway. Excellent. Honestly, that's how you tell the difference between a local and a tourist. The tourist will always have their heads in the sky looking at everything above them. A local couldn't give a fuck.

Day 1: Monday 21/04/2008

Went to see the Statue of Liberty today. Yeah. The ol' green biatch. Kinda pissing off really. Not the statue, getting to see her. When we got out at South Ferry station, we saw the queue. So we queued. And found out that was the queue to get into the place with the ticket booth. Where you had to queue some more to get tickets for the ferry to Liberty Island. While my mom waited in line, me n my aunt went into the giftshop to pass time. Thankfully the guy at the counter had a few tickets behind his store counter that he sold to people that came into his giftshop. So we bought the tickets from there and "jumped the queue" effectively.

Feeling proud of ourselves, we then proceeded to let our jaws drop vertically down the the floor as we saw the queue to get into the ferry. To cut things short, we took at least 2 hrs to get onto the ferry.

But once we got to Liberty Island, she was a sight. Did you know that the statue actually is tip-toeing? Well she is. I got a photo of her from behind. I'll be uploading it once I get back home cuz I don't have my cable here to connect my phone to the laptop.

We were done at Liberty Island by 3 so we went home to rest before heading out to Times Sq at night to see all the lights n stuff. It's a pretty cool place. The sounds, the billboards, the shops, etc. Saw the TRL studios.

Quite interestingly, there is an Army recruitment centre in the middle of Times Sq. I guess so that in case while shopping you have the sudden urge to sign up n fight a war in a far off Arab country. Hrmmm.....

Day 2: Tuesday 22/04/2006

We went to Grand Central Station today. It is a really GRAND building. The architechture is absolutely stunning. The ceiling is a stellar map with all the constellations drawn out n connected. Then there are the cornices on top of the columns.

Then there is the external facade... wow! No, I'm talking WOW!! I loved the centrepiece on the roof. If you thought the carvings on the top of Singapore's Supreme Court was cool, you have not seen anything till you've seen this. It is at least 3 times the size of the sculture on top of Supreme Court. It looks just as massive even though I'm standing so far away... Incredible.

We took the subway down towards Wall St. Sidetracked a bit and stepped into Trinity Church. Another beautiful building. The archways and the towers. It's like you've stepped back in time. From the noisy busy streets to the peace n quiet of the church. What a place to worship in...

Went past the NYSE and went to check out the bull. There is this really big bull statue that sits in the middle of a fork in the road. Haha. It has pretty big balls on the back. I have a picture with it. heh heh. Of me kickin it in the nuts. Woohoo!!

I'll type more when I am less tired. I am really burnt out right now with all the walking n shopping n sightseeing that we've been doing.

See ya...

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Big City Dreams

Okay. After the long suffering on the flight to get here, I'm finally sitting comfortably in the apartment that my sister is renting for all of us to stay in while we are here in the big city.

The 24 hrs spent sitting in planes and waiting in transit to get here was quite an ordeal. Couldn't imagine that sitting down was actually that much hard work. Not to mention that on the 11 hr flight frm Taipei to San Francisco, there was this really sour-looking lady sitting in the aisle seat of the row that my Aunt n I were in. It was really rather frightening to wake her up when we wanted to go to the loo n stretch our legs. She looked like she was ready to bite our heads off at any sec and I really didn't want to arrive in a body bag.

Quite interesting to observe the different type of people that you see walking through the various airports around the world. Already to get here, I had to sit for at least an hour in four different airports. So people-watching was a fantastic way of passing the time as we were waiting for our connecting flights.

There was one man in particular that really stood out. Well, if you see a man that personifies the movie slasher stereotype, you tend to remember them pretty vividly. Especially when he decides to stand directly under one of the airport lights which casts a shadow over his hooded face. OMFG! Spine chilling stuff.

Anyway. The drive into town from the airport was a pretty fast one and we managed to get into the apartment really quickly n get all our stuff into the rooms. Having my feet up after the long journey is really nice.

I'll post more once I have something to post abt. Meanwhile, we're gonna be heading out soon to try n keep ourselves awake and repel the effects of the jet lag.

Smell ya ltr..

Monday, March 03, 2008

Another Bong Bites the Dust

Had a good day at the track yesterday. It was a rather humbling experience. Was trying to clear a double on my 2nd lap out on the track and I didn't get enough speed. Ended up in an endo and a sprained wrist for my efforts. But it was really fun. Had a good time in the whoops and the tabletop after that. Managed to get some air there after getting my confidence after the crash. I still haven't had enough practise in the jumps so I have some area of improvement that I wanna highlight when we go back again.

For now, my hand is still kinda swollen and sore. Hopefully that'll be alright by the coming weekend. Bandung here I come!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

BROKE ( my wallet not my heart )

Well. I'm finally a free man again. No more obligations to an organisation (that will not be mentioned) that treats its "temp staff" like crap and pays them crap.

But 470 a month is better than what I'm currently getting. 0. Nada. Zero. Kosong. Ling. I really have to go out and get a job. Just lemme relax for a while and enjoy freedom for a while. I'm honestly grateful for Chinese New Year. Angbao money will be able to hold me for a while before I can really file for bankrupcy.

I wanna start racing this year. Hopefully, I'll be able to get a good ride and start entering the Tuas races some time soon. I don't know where I stand among the S'pore riders but I feel confident in being able to hold my own against them. Plus being in my rookie year, the curve will be rather steep. So we'll see how things go in March.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Time to Say Goodbye

I've finally gotten my ORD counter down to single digits. Sorry that I've been harping about this for the past two years, but yes, it really is that depressing having to see camo green everyday.

But ORD is no where near slack for me. I've still got lotsa stuff to clear up before I can go. My clearance, the Sqn heritage board, the CPT Ted valentine's day bear thing. Sigh, they're really making full use of me before I go.

Anyway. Out with the past and in with the future. Chinese New Year is seriously the beginning of something new. Life after NS. I've yet to find any form of employment to keep me financially independent till uni starts in Aug. That's kinda worrying. I don't want to have to go through each day without being able to enjoy myself.

March also bring the end of my probationary period. So my class 2A is yet another expense I have to put on an already long list. My class 3 license is another one of those expenses. My mom says that she wants to cover that for me. So that's gonna be one load off my back. April and May are going to be pretty exciting months. Trips to New York and London. As well as trying to get back into the study mood for August enrollment.

I've decided to sell my XL2. It's a pity really. Really have an emotional attachment to that bike. But I'm willing to bet that it'll fetch a good price on the market. Time to upgrade to a bigger bike. My XL has served me well in TM and will be given a fitting farewell at the Ah Guang 2D1N but I have to get a bigger bike to further my skills. I've been stagnating for too long already. I wanna get out there on the track and make a name for myself.