Tuesday, August 31, 2004

addicted.....

man... what can i say... i think i'm addicted to her.....
girls... can't live with them but can't live without them too.....

can't seem to get my mind off her.... she is the nicest gal that i have met in NY and i've been here for almost 8 months.... so that says alot about what i think of her... i have not seen her get angry before even with all the lame stuff that we tease her about..... nor have i seen her in a bad mood.... she is perpetually happy.... maybe that's why i like her the way i do.... when she's happy, i feel happy.... and since she's always happy, den i'm always happy.... and i like being happy....

but somehow i don't think that we can ever be together.... i don't think that she is really looking to be in a relationship right not.... something is just holding me back frm telling her how i feel..... like my gut is trying to tell me not to do something stupid and spoil the friendship we have now.....

haiz.... what to do... what to say.... dilemmas aren't very fun ya know.... wish there was some way that i can wave a magic wand to magically make everything okay..... but i can't, can i....

lemme just sit back and drown in my music..... god save MP3s.....

Friday, August 27, 2004

Woah.... life is good... life is great.... life is so unbelievable

hrm... life is good... just got back a couple of spring tests.... 22.5/25 for maths and 25/46 for physics.... not bad considering my mid year results.... its qutie encouraging.... but my tutors have been saying that the promo papers are not easy.... so i'm encouraged yet still not out of the red zone..... i'll try to "kick it out!!" as jamal says.....
actually nothing much really happening now.... quite sianed..... nothing much to write... not much inspiration...
only got one thing on my mind.....

"Whitney, don't you understand each word i say is true.
I just want you to know I have a major crush on you.
I'd drive you to Las Vegas and do the things you wanna do.
I'd even have Wayne Newton dedicate a song to you"
-San Dimas High School Football Rules by The Ataris

just change the name and it'll say something to someone that i know.....

shhh.....

Friday, August 20, 2004

Life... its never easy to understand it

life is confusing and complex... i don't think the most brilliant philosopher will ever be able to answer the most fundamental question.... why are we here.....
there is no real answer to that question.... its rhetorical yet relevant to everyone.....
each person has to answer this question for themselves.... no one can tell them the answer to it... and i haven't been able to answer it for myself yet.....

i don't know what i've been put into this world for.... what am i supposed to accomplish in my time here... the closest i ever came to answering it was in sec three confirmation camp... i had some time to myself as we sat in a dark room in total silence to think about my past, present and my future.... i know that i prob wanna go into the teaching profession.... not just because almost all of my family were at one point in their careers been a teacher or an instructor.... but because i feel a connection to the whole school scene.... its a familiar environment and feel comfortable being in a school..... at least i have reached somewhere near solving the unsolvable..... maybe the reason why everyone says ''life sucks lah'' could be because they haven't identified their purpose...

actually i haven't really come as close to answering my problems as i seem to have come..... i still kinda feel that i'm studying without a purpose.... i still don't understand what all the crap that i have to study will help me in the real world.... when i'm driving there is no way that i will use some physics formula to work out how far i will take to stop if i apply a constant braking force of 200N one second after i see a red traffic light.... (okay.... so i'm full of bullshit.... but who the fuck cares.. haha....)

at least i have begun to engage in some form of studying... i actually did my maths tutorial by myself.... doesn't sound like much.... but to me it is.... i'm kinda proud of myself for doing that..... haha... hopefully i'll be able to keep up this change of heart for as long as i'm in Nanyang.... i haven't been one to stick to resolutions....

but i'm going to try....

wait... master yoda was right.... there is no try....
i'm going to do it.....

Friday, August 13, 2004

Testi......... monial

so yesterday was the testimonial that i have been waiting for for the past three months.... it was a good game overall.... we were in their twenty two for most of the first half and i managed to break through during a blindside move.... 0-0 at half time..... the second half was total bull.... i made like a billion errors that i shd not have.....

i was floating balls over fawwaz to daniel frm the lineouts.... and that meant we could not clear the ball.... plus i made the fatal error that allowed joel to score the only try of the match.... i shd have brought him down.... but i have no idea how he managed to drive through and put it down.... dammit.... but hell... i'm going to learn frm this expirience and i won't let this happen again....

but again... overall i think we did very well against a J2 team that were out to injure us.... there were a few sores and bruises after the match... but i don't think that there was anything serious enough to us out for very long.... i've got a pretty big contusion on my left shin.... and we're going to play a tournament... TOMORROW!!!! omg.... but i still wanna play it.... haha....

well... going to sleep le.... wish me luck....

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

The Frailty of Life

while everyone was celebrating national day and laughin at the fools on "Singapore Idol", there was one family in Singapore that did not join in on the festivities.....

that was the family of the late Mr Maxx, the librarian at my sec sch..... this post is dedicated to him....

I only found out about his passing on the day after national day. I did not even know that he was ailing.... he was handicapped and could not use half of his body as a normal person could.... but you couldn't consider him as handicapped.... he went ard his everyday business of running the sch's library normally and never let anything bring him down...

he was a friend to anybody who needed one... whether he was in the canteen drinking his morning coffee or in his room in the library, anyone who needed advice or a listening ear or just someone to crap ard with could go to him... before our o level exams, he would be standing just outside the hall to wish all of us the best of luck and to joke around with us to calm our nerves....

he was also a strong disciplinarian..... he would not tolerate any horsing around in his library and the noise level had to be keep at an acceptable level..... he would not hesitate to scold people.... but you always knew that he meant it in good way.... he would not scold for the sake of scolding but for the sake of the other library users and for your own good....

Mr Maxx was a constant figure in the school... he was ever-present and one of the rocks that Peicai Secondary School is supported by....

one of my regrets was not being able to see him one last time... I was supposed to collect my prom night VCD from him and I have been delaying going to collect it for a few weeks now... I wish that I had gone back to collect it... it would have been nice to have chatted with him for the last time... my hands are trembling as I type this post... I can't believe that he went so suddenly....

i'm sure that Peicai will definitely miss him dearly...
Goodbye Maxx... God Bless.... +

Monday, August 09, 2004

Singapore Idol my ass

what the fuck is going on with the country i live in.... there is a bunch of fucking losers on tv now making bloody fools of themselves..... what the hell is that all about.... my god

the whole idea of the idol series has been lost on a society of people looking for fame in any form..... the point of having an idol series is to find a new superstar... i.e. a person that CAN sing.... and sing well..... the focus of the s'pore idol is to find some to laugh at..... WHY???

and why would somebody go on national tv to make an ass of themselves..... don't they have any dignity.... if i could sing well i would have gone to audition.... but i can't can i... so i didn't go.... makes sense right.... those people go there when they jolly well know that they can't sing to save their lives.... they are just looking for their 15 mins of fame..... and they are taking up the time that ppl with actual talent might have used to audition....

and the singapore idol was broadcasted immediately after the NDP where the ideals of a progessive and growing nation were showcased.... the irony of it all.... the NDP is the pride and joy of the nation..... and just after watching what we can achieve together as a nation we watch what bloody fools live in s'pore.....

hrm... well... i wish those people whose audition the best of luck returning to their normal lives after throwing away whatever dignity they have.....

cheers mates

Friday, August 06, 2004

National Day

hrm... the whole concept of celebrating national day beats me.... true... it is a commemoration of the day that our nation got our independence.... but the true significance of the whole idea of nationhood has been lost to our generation....

there is little or no pride in symbols of our nation.... the flag, the anthem, the pledge etc... esp the anthem.... it has become just an ordinary part of daily life.... the singing of the anthem has become a chore to some... I don't think many ppl even bother to sing the anthem anymore.... and that is really sad.....

well..... even if people don't show their respect to the anthem by singing it they shd at least show their respect by standing still or at attention when the anthem is played.... during one of the national day celebration rehearsals, the band played the anthem.... and people could be seen strolling out the gate and chatting and laughing as if the band was playing some stupid pop song.... hrm... I can't say that I am a patriot or something... I wanna get out of this system asap... but at least show some respect for the anthem.....

people always say that the anthem sounds diff when it is played during the NDP at the national stadium in front of like 6 thou ppl..... why can't that happen everyday..... why can't we be proud of our anthem like the americans are.... I personally don't like americans but the way that they sing their anthem, straight and proud with their hands over their hearts.... why can singaporeans be like that....

hrm.... come to think of it.... let's look at the way that the U.S.A. got their independence and how s'pore got theirs..... the americans got their independence after a long hard fight against the british.... many Americans died and sacrificed themselves to get autonomy frm british rule.... what about our little red dot.... we were kicked out of the malaysian federation..... haha... sounds very unglam doesn't it.... but its true.... what can I say.... I bet s'poreans would feel more patriotic if we had our own revolutionary war.....

s'poreans can be a bunch of real retards at time.... just today.... i saw this blind lady at dhoby ghaut.... she got onto the train and was standing ard... then this man practically jumped out of his seat to offer her his seat.... that's not the retarded part.... one carraige of the MRT has 22 seats.... of these 22 fully occupied seats only one man had the courtesy to get up for the blind lady..... just wait... i'm getting to the retarded part..... the remaining 21 ppl sitting down suddenly turned into hollywood actors and pretended that they didn't even notice that this lady had gotten onto the train.... it just makes me wonder... if this man wasn't on the train.... would the lady have been able to get a seat? 1/22..... that isn't very good odds.... if i were among the 21, i would be so ashamed of not getting up fast enough to offer her my seat.... its a real embarassment.....

and this isn't the first case of this happening that i have seen.... i've seen a seat taken away frm this old woman by some cheena bitch..... the old woman was already heading for the seat and i guess everyone expected her to be able to get the seat.... but this bitch strolls in and sits down right in front of the auntie.... what the fuck.... after that everyone on the train was staring at her and she just pretended nothing happened and started chatting on her phone.... luckily there was a guy who gave up his seat for her.... (i always stand in trains... so don't start blaming me for not giving up my seats....)

who says guys are all that bad..... i have cited these two example that can demonstrate what nice guys some men can be....

and they're singaporean... at least i can be proud that some people in this majorly screwed up country have a conscience.....

happy national day....

Thursday, August 05, 2004

haha.... i got my revenge on CJ

man... so happy... i finally attained one of my goals... to beat CJ....
haha... nothing against the school... but i just have a thing against their rugby..... i managed to replicate the way that they scored against us in the last match.... a run down the blindside and a offload to a supporting player... haha... shaneet owes me a assist....
hrm.... actually i'm getting to know a few of the CJ player le.... their jumper always says hi everytime we meet... haha... they just know me as bong... they just shout out bong as they pass by....
hrm... so tired... too tired to blog.....
c ya peeps.....
p.s. thanks to the touchies who came down to farrer park to support us.... it really helped.....

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

a real joke

Omg. What a joke the 27th student council is. I have a few friends in the council and I don't wanna insult them. But I don't think they have done much for the school as of yet. They are supposed to be the "elite" of the school and they'll probably get more PEARLS points than most of the school population.

But I really think that if they are going to get the amount of points that they are going to get then they have to work for it. I think so far the only thing that I have seen them organising as a proper unit is the National Day celebrations. I must admit that they have done quite a lot of preparations for the celebrations.

But stuff like the teaching of the National Day songs was a total and utter FLOP. That chinese song that they ''taught'' on Monday is still a mystery. They didn’t actually teach the song. Two councillors just went up on stage and sang it for the rest of the school to listen to. You call that teaching? I don't.

Then what happened on Tuesday was total crap. Freddy and Hui xiang just went up on stage to make fools of themselves. Hey, I have nothing against being extroverted but that was just humiliating. The whole point of racial harmony n stuff must have been totally lost on them. And again, they didn’t teach the song.

The only song that they have successfully gotten the participation and the enthusiasm of the school with is ''Chan Mali Chan''. Haha... I guess the more classic the song the better. Everyone loves folk songs right. Going back to our childhoods and reminiscing about how carefree it was back then. I mean, who wouldn’t like that.

So far the council hasn’t really made an impact on the school in general. They are very cliquish. They tend to stick within themselves. They really shd try and be more open instead of hanging ard each other. That’s the point of having a council what. They are supposed to be an interface between the school management and the student population. The council is not supposed to be an elitist class that doesn’t need to give a crap about the rest of us.

The idea of having a council is for them to be our mouths and voice out our concerns and complaints to the people that run the school. I hope that they at least get that part right……

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

tiredness.... pain..... satisfaction......

my leg is really getting very uncomfortable.... but i still wanna play on thurs.... i'm not going to miss it....

jamal just told us that we're not going to be playing on home turf but instead at farrer park.... dammit.... that field suck sia.... stinks to high hell.... hrm is there really such a thing as high hell when hell is down there... well anyway.... back to the point.... the only thing nice about that field is that it is quite even.... unlike our sch field..... they have a roller there to press the ground lor.... damn shiok.... and least you know that you won't sprain ur ankle by just running ard there... haha....

hrm... looks like our first home game as a J1 team is gonna be the testi.... hrm... the backs are gonna be really strong lor.... andy as standoff, suki or henry as the inside, richard outside, chian yee one wing, alvin another wing and melgious as fullback.... siao liao... haha... i don't wanna die in front of the whole sch lor... haha....

the forwards or gonna be tough too lor.... dud and guo wei props.... jian lin hooker.... mark tian bao 2nd row..... jeff and kok siong flankers.... jin chao no.8.... and JOEL scrumhalf.....
man.... joel is a real worry lor.... he's a damn good scrumhalf.... i respect him but i won't give him any space to play.... he's taught me all i know about scrumhalving and i hope he's taught me enuf..... hrm....

haiz.... life is really wierd.... lots of stuff happens for no reason.... just like why did anyone allow freddy and hui xiang to go on stage to sing that tamil song this morning... man.... if i was indian, i would be insulted too.... thank god miss/mrs nirmala (??) was at hand to stop them.... man... i don't think that i could have taken anymore of it... it was a real mockery of the tamil language....

hrm.... confused.... feelings are all jumbled inside of me... what to do.... what to say....

i don't know...

i can't explain what i feel right now.... but i'm just caught in the middle....