Monday, September 29, 2008

On the way to Academic excellence?


Totally funny. I went for computing lecture today in the hopes of packing some last minute info into that little space between my ears. All in the hope that it may help my chances of survival during this Saturday's computing mid-term (yes! my computing mid-term paper is on a Saturday. wtf!).

Was so proud of myself. I actually managed to follow the lecture and write a proper code on my lappie. And it wasn't just headless-chicken typing. I knew what I was typing. Awesome eh? For a moment, I thought I might have a chance of avoiding impending doom.


(you knew that this "UNTIL" was coming. don't act so surprised)

Until the end of the lecture. The lecturer flashes a slide with the info on the mid-term paper. "Topics Covered: Chapters 1-7".
I look at my notes and realise that what was covered today was Chapter 8. The uncontrollable stream of "fuck"s and other varied obscenity was largely frowned upon by those sitting around me. Oh well...

My computer lecturer is interesting. Not in terms of content. Rather in general appearances. He looks like Wang Fei Hong and talks like Adolf Hilter. It's the kind of cross-pollination that has your mind swirling. Honestly...

Friday, September 26, 2008


Dammit. It's been a terrible week thus far. My back's been killing me, my four day old cough is not getting any better and the flu isn't doing me any good as well..

I've accomplished NOTHING in way of actual work during recess week.

I can't get to sleep either. It's 2 am and I'm still awake cuz everytime I lie down, I'll start coughing and hacking up phelghm. Am I grossing you out? Well, try being me and see how you feel.

I'm just plain pissed off. Feel like screaming out my frustrations, but it would come out as an awful sounding hack instead of a proper scream of anguish. So that's just plain not worth it, is it now.

I can't even win at mahjong! I lost like 18 bucks on Monday. And we were playing a small game.

It's just not been my week. I thought I'd never say it, but I can't wait for school to start again next week. Get back some sense of normality in this place.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Weather Forecast: Clouded Minds in the Early Afternoon

I don't know. And I've not known for a long time. Why does life seem so easy for some and yet is such a struggle for others. I can't say that my life is unbearable but neither is it a breeze. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Am I really studying what I want? Am I living my life the way I want to?

I just find that the more questions I answer, the more questions come up. And everytime I think I've found the right answer, the more it seems that it's the wrong one.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Big Bong Theory

I know it's an age old arguement. But it's nice to revisit old friends once in a while.

I came across something today in my chem lecture notes that really got me thinking. According to Dalton's Atomic Theory, atoms cannot be destroyed, CREATED or transformed into atoms of other elements. In saying that, he is saying that since the beginning of the Earth and the universe, there have been the same number of Oxygen atoms, the same number of carbon atoms, the same number of hydrogen atoms and so on and so on. So how in the world did these atoms get “created” if by your theory, atoms can't be created. Most physicists take the Big Bang theory to be true. But honestly, what is the theory saying. It's saying that out of nothing there was a BANG and then the universe was there. Ermm. And they say that theologists are irrational.

I honestly cannot say for sure where I stand on the topic because as a scientist, I'd like to think that everything can be explained using simple logic and not having to bring in an unknown quantity known as “God”. But as a Catholic, my faith is what drives me and I do believe that there is a Guy up there looking over me.

I've found on thing about science students. I'm not too sure about all scientists but this is what I can observe from the people in my course. I find that science students have a tendency to be non-team players. As in most would rather rely on themselves and their own capabilities and not have to depend on the efforts of others. In a sense, that can be good as it's a motivation to do better on a personal level. But on a larger scale, who can call themselves an island. There has to be some kind of interaction with the world around you.

I have a thoery on this. Don't worry, there are no large explosions out of nothing or talk of what atoms are made of. I think that as scientists, we are trained to remove variables. When we are forming equations, we would like to use as little variables as possible and if there are any, we would like to make sure that we have as accurate a figure as possible. So scientist, science students included, have a tendancy to remove unknown variables from the equation of life. Unknowns make equations and solving of equations difficult. So why introduce them at all? Why not just cut them all off and use the variables that you know? Like how hard you work and how seriously you take this project.

I'm not saying that scientists are anti-social. I'm just saying that they don't like unknowns. But once a variable is know to them, they are more than willing to make use of them. It may be harder to get into their equations but finally, the impact that your known variable will make is remarkable.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

And so the shit hits the fan

Man. My whole life has become centered around school. And hall. All my time seems to be spent doing various uni activities. I haven't even trailed for about two months already and met the north riders like once only since school has started.

I think it's really high time for me to start gaining momentum. The rest of my cohort taking the same course as me seem to be freakin' brilliant. My tutorials are spent trying to copy down answers while they fire away about some distant concept and formula. Maths is where I feel it the most. I just had the most demoralising maths quiz on wednesday about limits. I just sat at my desk in stunning silence as the rest were scribbling away on the way to solving and getting full marks. I honestly did not know how to even start.


Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Shot thru the Brain and I'm to blame

At the end of last week, I can honestly say that I was depressed. Not to the point of being clinically depressed but morale was low in the Bong camp. Every single day of the week, I'd gone to class and just sat there in stunned silence as the class continued to discuss concepts that were flying over my head (have you seen Jeff Dunham's Peanut? rreeoowww...). It's not a good feeling. But what am I to do? I don't really have a lot of things going on. Just the pageant thing. But that's taking up like most of my time. Sleeping at 2, waking up at 7.30, class all day, dinner at 6, pageant training at 8, finish training at 1. Every single day.

I'm barely meeting assignment deadlines. Actually I've already missed a few. I can't even stay awake long enough during lectures for the lecturer to read the lecture title. I've blogged about inertia before preventing me from getting started on many of my life objectives but now i realise how badly that inertia is affecting me. It's easy to say something and realise the gravity of the situation, but again, it's incredibly hard to go out and do something about it. I've thought about it through many a sleepless night here in hall, and I still can't get my engine started!

I think the worst blow to my morale is the fact that I came into Physics after a highpoint in my JC when I was doing pretty well for Physics. I felt confident of coming to uni and being able to perform. But getting that reality check of what Uni physics is like was like slamming into a brick wall. It's really hitting me hard. I just feel like screaming to let out the frustration that's building up in the inside.

Feeling brain dead. Wishing I was...