Synthetic Organism

Sometimes I really feel like Job. Obviously not to the extent of having my family and everything I own taken away from me. But I do sometimes feel like God is testing me. Distractions that are taking me away from the job at hand and my general inability to focus on what I'm supposed to be doing.

It's also at times like this when I turn back and look at my faith. I just can't forget everything, put my faith in God and pray that everything will be alright. I mean, it's not possible to do nothing all day but pray and then still expect to get As every exam. There has to be some amount of human effort involved. I don't pray for good grades. I pray for the strength and focus to do what is needed to get good grades. Even then, it wasn't enough.

Sometimes I ask Him, you could say I even beg Him. What do You need from me? What do I have to offer and where is my place? I've yet to get an answer.

My friend just commented on Facebook something along the lines of how we always seem to remember all the bad things in life, like our failures and our shortcomings, and forget all the wonderful things that have happened, like our victories and our good times. But, being the pessimist that I am, I also think that it is wrong to forever harp on the things that we have accomplished in life and forget about the times that we have not been able to live up to expectation. But you think that through our failures, we can find ways to victory?

Sure it's easier said than done. I'm not the only one that knows that through failure we learn the way to success. But I just don't seem to be able to implement those lessons learnt in my life. It's like I'm stuck in a never ending downhill spiral. Sure there are the ups here and there. But all that seems to come from those ups are a false sense of security and a faint hope that everything will be better from now on.

Sprinkle some Fairy dust, think happy thoughts and you can fly, you can fly, you can fly. Wish I could remain a boy just like Peter Pan.

Going out of my Mind

Ah fcuk it. No, seriously.

Bon Jovi has some of the best rock balland lyrics ever. Was listening to Bed of Roses over and over again. Like woah.

Can I drown my sorrows at the bottom of a bottle of JD? Cuz alcohol is sorrow's only nemesis.

Dammit. Don't feel like writing anything.

Zac! Eat Sam's shorts.

Check this out. Bloody good stuff. Had me laughing all the way thru... Awesomely funny musical.

Headaches Aplenty

Take two panadols and see me in the morning.

Unfortunately, my headaches are that easy to get rid of. It's kind of a turbulent time with all the talks about Hall Allocation and stuff. Who gets to stay next year and who doesn't. I'm kinda miffed (putting it lightly) at the way that certain priorities were set this year. I'm not being biased cuz of my position or anything. But I think there was totally no consideration for our hall's strong points and for the people that have contributed so much. Sigh. Shall not get into it. I'm not a politically inclined person so I won't get into details about what I think. I'm the type that if I feel strongly enough for something, I will say my mind even if it's not the "politically-correct" thing to say.

Arrh... Fuck it lah. I'll take two tequila shots over those panadols anyday.

State of Mind

You know how sometimes life throws you a curve ball? You don't really know if you should take a swing at it or just let it by. I'm not sure of anything right now. Some of my friends have been telling me that this isn't worth my time. Some have been telling me that there is a fighting chance. But I think I naturally tend towards the negative as a defensive mechanism.

(Confusion enter stage right. Exeunt Certainty and Control stage left.)

I just feel like what we have and had are nothing more than a working relationship. Nothing more than a friendship of convenience. Whoever said that absence makes the heart grow fonder should be shot in the balls and hung upside down until death. Distance seems to want the extinguish the flames and I don't wanna be that kind of person who just gives up over and over again. There are somethings that are worth fighting for. Is this one of those things?