Thursday, September 17, 2009

Prodding Whores

Well. Finally. We've managed to settle our committee and now work can really begin on next sem's Hall Production. Exciting! It's been a tiring two days of interviews and deliberations but at least now that's all over, we can finally get down to doing some actual work. By work, I meant we can start full scale production. Don't get me started on school. Haha.

I'm really stressed about this year's production. I don't know about everyone else, but I do consider last year's production to be a resounding success. The fact that we received acclaim from external organisations and other theatre groups showed the level of musical we managed to develop from such a rag-tag group of people, most of us not having any prior experience in stage work. So the "valueaddedness" that we brought to LFT was fantastic. This year is a totally different story. We have so many freshies that have experience in theatre and who know what they are doing. So if we don't come up with something good, I would think that it would be a phenomenal waste of the talent and expertise that we have managed to bring into Hall Prod.

Obviously, as a co-Producer now, I would not want to see s.t.a.r. Productions take a fall during my tenure and I'm working my best to make sure that it doesn't. But having minimal exposure to stage before having joined last year, I think my biggest area needing improvement would be my foresight. With respect to a stage production, I have not yet developed an eye for seeing how things might go wrong and where that damn Murphy might step in and enforce his laws. So I'm just hoping and praying that I'll be able to get things right.

But after all's said and done, I do have to remind myself that I'm a student first and foremost. It's not that I like living in regret and wallowing in self-pity, but I really feel like I'm suffering in school. There is nothing in school that I really look forward to. I can work with my classmates, but they're just not the type of people that I typically gravitate to and so often I find myself heading directly back to hall after class instead of hanging out with them. It's not that I'm trying to be or that I am anti-social, but I just feel like I'm on a different frequency from everyone else. It's like in class when the rest of them start discussing some far off theorem or solving some unsolvable equation. I'm just sitting there while everything is going over my head and I'm totally lost in all the dy/dx-es and the integration and the Greek symbols so often used in physics and so on and so forth. This sem is looking like it might not be a good one for me academically. I'm just hoping my electives will be able to pull me up.

To be honest, I'm really confused right now. There are pluses and minuses in my life right now. But I haven't a clue about how positive or negative my life is right now. I just feel a certain hollowness about things right now that I don't how to fill. I wish I had the guts to take my life into my hands and do something. I just watched Apple's video of the talk MJ had with Keone Madrid and he said something that struck out to me. He said something along the lines of how talent is nothing unless you explore and develop it. I'm paraphrasing here so it's not an exact quote. I'm not trying to say that I'm uber talented and stuff, but what I mean is that when people mention my name, I don't want people to remember me as the guy that they thought had potential in something or other. I want people to remember me for having done something of significance and of meaning to them. I'm not looking for fame. Fame's overrated. I'm looking for the gratification that comes with having accomplished something. And I hope I'll find it someday.