Out of Body Experience

Sometimes I feel that I'm neither here nor there. Someone once told me that I'm a Jack-of-all-trades. But as the saying goes:

"Jack of all trades, master of none"

And to an extent I think that it's true. I can logically discuss topics from Art to Zulu Tribesmen. But I know of nothing in depth. My knowledge of most topics are quite touch and go without going too far in.

Have I found my niche? Where I can personally excel? Nope.

Generally, most people will spilt academic subjects into arts and science. Well. I can't paint, nor can I draw complex free body diagrams. But I can discuss economic performance of a country and I can find the frictional forces between two objects.

I'm sitting in a very precarious position in the fence between the two and honestly I don't know which side to get off on. I'm good at theoretical science, but I'm nuts when it comes to actual calculations. I love the arts, but I suck at creating art and essay writing. I'm just in a lose-lose situation.

Today was yet another over my head physics tutorial. I find that the tutorials are total rubbish. It's more for people that know all the answers to find out whether they are right or not. It does nothing for people like me that don't know HOW to start getting the answers. Maybe it's cuz I'm a minority (which is scary in itself).

You have to forgive the bitching that I've been doing here for the past few posts. I just find that I haven't found myself yet. That I'm going through the motions of a life that is not mine to live.

One of my sergeants once said to me that he planned to live till 30. Do absolutely nothing with his life but enjoy that fact that it was his. And after that is done, to just fade into oblivion. I'm beginning to sign on to that life plan thought I feel that I could probably do much more with what is given to me. But the thing is, that I don't know what is it I'm meant to do.

I wish I could just stay in blissful ignorance of the world around me. Not have to wonder where my next pay cheque will be coming from. Still in some forgotten corner of the world with beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other, drinking as the world swirls around me into darkness. Awakening to the cold feel of another icy newly opened bottle. Siiiigh........