Kakorrhaphiophobia

"If it's not happy, it's not the ending."
- excerpt from Sleepless Town: the Musical


No. That's not the sound I make when I sneeze. And no, I did not make that word up.

Kakorrhaphiophobia is actually the fear of rejection/failure and I think to some extent all of us suffer from it. Some more than others and some with more drastic symptoms than others.

I think that the main problem I have in life is the inability to put myself out there for fear of rejection or failure. Hence the title of my post. Why would I say such a thing about myself? Well, when I look back in life, I find that most of the decisions that have changed my life have been made using the possibility of failure to rule out all other options. Like in secondary school when choosing O level combinations. I decided not to take trip science even though many of my teachers insisted that I should. Likewise, I did not take Lit because I felt that even though I enjoyed it, it was not an easy subject to score in. Thus the safe simple route was to stay in combined science and just cruise through instead of pushing myself further. Even in CCA, I decided on the safe and relatively commitment-free IT club and not the drama club.

Even in school locations, I've been very "safe". I've stayed in the serangoon area for pretty much as far back as I have clear memories of. And all my schools from primary school to JC have been within 10 mins from home. 10 mins walking, that is. NTU is probably the furthest I've been from home to study.

For those that know me well, they'll know that rejection and failure have been major shackles that have bound me in more ways than one and in more than one aspect in my life.

As much as it is true that I should not let myself be restricted by my Kakorrhaphiophobia, I just have this gut feeling that this whole escapade is going to break my heart.

But that might just be my Kakorrhaphiophobia talking. I like using the word "Kakorrhaphiophobia". It's just a ctrl+v away.
Kakorrhaphiophobia Kakorrhaphiophobia Kakorrhaphiophobia Kakorrhaphiophobia...
crap... now I'm just rambling.