was mindblowingly angry yesterday.. my grandfather really boils my blood sometimes..
we passed by a shop in CLEMENTI and he wanted to go in to see if they can fix our kitchen drawer. when i told him that we shd go another time [cuz i had my bike lesson] and some place nearer to our house [so that it'll be easier and less costly], he got all puffed up... saying "you children always don't want to help" and "i'm 90 years old you know"... it's not like we won't help but this is the first time that you've mentioned you wanted to get the drawers fixed so how can we have "always" not helped you??

the prob with my grandfather is that he is so independant and such a control freak that he takes everything upon himself and never ASKS for help. i'm hardly around cuz i leave before the sun comes up and come back after the sun comes down, so i can't always be around to help out. my sis is busy in sch. and my dad is a self-confessed workaholic. we're not around to always be there to help out. i'm not making excuses. this is fact. i can't just leave the office whenever i like. it's still the military you know. there are rules.

but one thing i am serious abt is leaving the house. once i ord, get a job, and get enough savings to support myself, i'm looking for a room for rent. i'll send some money back and that's it. i'm thinking of maybe foregoing my uni and just signing a bond with MOE. i can't take living like this anymore. it hurts me that my own grandfather thinks that we are so unfilial that we won't even help with the slightest thing. frankly, it pissed me off. at least have faith that you have raised children and grandchildren with good moral values.

:: finite ::
i've had about enough. i can't live in this house much longer.
i'm thinking of moving out but i know it'll be damn difficult to find a place to stay on my income right now.
it's not like i haven't tried. but i just think that i'm on totally different wavelengths.
why do i feel so cursed? why is it that i feel like i don't belong in this family?

i'm just tired of it all. all i want is a real family.