Synthetic Organism

Sometimes I really feel like Job. Obviously not to the extent of having my family and everything I own taken away from me. But I do sometimes feel like God is testing me. Distractions that are taking me away from the job at hand and my general inability to focus on what I'm supposed to be doing.

It's also at times like this when I turn back and look at my faith. I just can't forget everything, put my faith in God and pray that everything will be alright. I mean, it's not possible to do nothing all day but pray and then still expect to get As every exam. There has to be some amount of human effort involved. I don't pray for good grades. I pray for the strength and focus to do what is needed to get good grades. Even then, it wasn't enough.

Sometimes I ask Him, you could say I even beg Him. What do You need from me? What do I have to offer and where is my place? I've yet to get an answer.

My friend just commented on Facebook something along the lines of how we always seem to remember all the bad things in life, like our failures and our shortcomings, and forget all the wonderful things that have happened, like our victories and our good times. But, being the pessimist that I am, I also think that it is wrong to forever harp on the things that we have accomplished in life and forget about the times that we have not been able to live up to expectation. But you think that through our failures, we can find ways to victory?

Sure it's easier said than done. I'm not the only one that knows that through failure we learn the way to success. But I just don't seem to be able to implement those lessons learnt in my life. It's like I'm stuck in a never ending downhill spiral. Sure there are the ups here and there. But all that seems to come from those ups are a false sense of security and a faint hope that everything will be better from now on.

Sprinkle some Fairy dust, think happy thoughts and you can fly, you can fly, you can fly. Wish I could remain a boy just like Peter Pan.