Who are you?

I've come to realise that there are three types of people in general in school. Those that are studying cuz they believe in what they are studying and that is all part of their life plans, those that able to study for the sake of study even though they don't know if that's what they'll be spending their whole lives doing, and those that are like me, who are not sure where they want to be ten years down the road and just can't bring themselves to study what they're supposed to.

Some time ago, I wrote an entry that sort of outlined my life plan. That is to get a good honours, go to NIE and come out to teach. I still want to teach and obviously, I still also want a good honours. But I just can't bring myself to study. I just can't see the practical use of what I'm doing now and I'm the type of person driven by practicality. If I don't see the point of something, then it's not worth my time.

You know, I hate blogs that contain endless post after post of how much their life sucks and posts where the writer bitches day after day about how much things suck for them right now. I get this awful gut feeling that I'm turning into one of those bloggers. Dammit.

Okay. Onto something a little less about me. Lately in NTU, people have been buzzing about the stabbing incident and the hanging incident. It is extremely unfortunate and quite worrying that two such incidents have occured within a very short time span. Can I first say that while I don't condone their actions, I feel that some sympathy have to go out to these two souls.

In a way, it is a good wake up call to those out there in positions of authority to pay closer attention to those under them and those that are directly and indirectly affected by the decisions they make. But in the same way, it is a moral responsibility to those out there to not take advantage of this situation for their own needs. In that, I mean that those in the student population cannot take this opportunity to control their tutors by acting up and "bullying" their tutors and profs into giving them free rides.

Very often, the people that get neglected are one of two things. Afraid to get help from a professional counsellor due to the social stigma that is attached to it. Or they just simply don't realise that they have a problem to begin with, until they just snap from the pressure.

I think although people are a lot more open-minded about the idea of counselling, it is the fear of the reactions of the people around them. "How will my friends react when they find out I'm having these problems?" "Will they treat me any different?" Sometimes, people will tend to overreact to those facing serious issues by treating them overly nice. By doing things that they would not normally do and trying too hard to be "correct" in what they say and how they say it. And I think for most of us, that would just make us even more uncomfortable. And it's that fear of segregation, that fear of being different that make many reluctant to get the help that they need. The herd effect is just too strong that no one would willingly let himself stand out from the crowd especially for someone facing a situation where he needs professional help which, like I mentioned earlier, still holds a social taboo.

Of course, there are also individuals out there that do not realise that they have a problem, or do not wish to acknowledge that they have a problem. Psychological problems do not always manifest themselves in the form of nightmares or changes in behavior or whatever symptoms society has branded upon it and in fact, I do believe that a person facing depression can be just as cheerful and chirpy as always. A facade is not always as easy to penetrate as people think. One could probably put on a front so convincing that he even convinces himself that it is the truth. The problem is that often, it only takes the slightest catalyst to incite Armageddon.

Columbine High, Virginia Tech. Names that have won fame for all the wrong reasons. Most recently, Albertville-Realschule school in Germany. Students that have snapped from the stresses of school and societal issues. One can only wonder why. Were these people's lives so out of their control that they chose to end them in such tragic circumstances? Their cries for attention were dearly bought. With their own blood and the blood of others. Was it because no one would give up time to hear them out or because they themselves would not bear their souls to those listening? The problem facing those trying to prevent more incidents like these, and others like the incidents closer to home, is that no one can definitely answer that question. One can only speculate the motive and the catalyst behind such a fallout. And the fact that these unhappy souls are not around to tell their stories, just makes things harder for those willing to help to help.

It is strange how people react to news of such occurrences. Jokes and nervous laughter to try and dull the inner emotions. It's almost like trying to deny that there is a problem out there by hiding it behind a smile. Maybe it's not just the individual that puts up a facade, but society as a collective putting up a fake image of tranquility.