Why so serious?

The problem with being a "happy" person is that no one ever sees the dark side of you. What's hidden behind the smile and what is hurting you deep down inside. Can I say that I identify with The Joker? Well, to an extent. Not to the extent of being psychotic murderous maniac but to more towards the tortured-soul-masked-behind-a-smile side of The Joker.

I don't think that it's cuz of anything other than my inability to open up to people. I'm just not the feely emotional kinda person that will just pour out all my frustrations the moment I have a chance. I bottle and store away all my grievances and try to forget their existence.

School stress? I've been seeing the pile of ciggies in the dustbin outside my room ominously growing. I'm almost at a pack every two days now. Not an achievement that I'm very proud of. Do they help me relax? Yes. There is something about the nicotine and the high I get that helps to loosen up and clear my mind. Am I dependant on them? I'm afraid to say that I am, but the truth is that I do have a certain level of dependency on the "comfort" of a stick in my hand.

I can't help but thinking of the fact that after these exams that I'm suffering so hard for is at least another 7 more exam periods that I'll have to go through in my life here in NTU. Depressing yet true. For those that are in the same position as me right now reading this, I sincerely apologise for reminding you guys of the sad truth.

But like a sine curve, life has its ups and downs. Unlike the sine curve, these maxima and minima are not of equal magnitude nor are they equally spaced. TAKE HEART! Without these lows, the highs do not make any sense. Without knowing what the lows are, the highs will just merely be points without any significance.

All I can say is that I'm going to take these low periods of my life as they come. Hope you'll join me in celebrating the high points and commiserate with me during the lows.