:: Mondaybluism ::
don't know if there is such a term, but I don't care. I'm suffering frm it.
just feel like running away from everything. From the army, from home, from anywhere that I can run away from. Wish I could just hop on a bike and ride into the sunset for as long as I have the money to buy gas. It's not a nice thing growing up. There are many growing pains to deal with. Added responsibilities on your shoulders, the need to appear more mature, monetary burdens etc.
there are times that you feel so empowered with all the independence granted to you and the fact that you can make your own money now. But don't you just wish that you could go back to a time when you were carried wherever you go and you just cried and got whatever you wanted. Man. Those were good times.
I guess it's one of Man's [or humankind's if you wanna be PC] more undesirable traits to always look over the fence and assume that the grass there is greener. But is it? Everything has to be taken in consideration. Pros and cons. Ups and downs. It's never as straight forward as most people take it to be. It's not easy being me or you or anyone else. Each and every person has their problems as well. So why wish that you were someone else when so many people wish they were you?
ha. I guess I'm kinda doing a bit of self therapy here. Don't really have anything to post about so I'm just arguing with myself.
I went to see the physio last fri. She said that I'll be put through a course of traction for my back. Six sessions over six weeks and then we'll see how things go then. I hate having this thing. There is this dull ache that it's perpetually there. It's just so tiresome. Plus it puts me out of action from everything. Can't do all the stuff that my bunk- and platoon-mates are doing, no rugby for a while, forget running totally. Just wanna be 100% again.
Monday, August 07, 2006
:: Exeunt W M BONG? ::
went to the doc today. The mri report says that I'm suffering frm chronic disc disintegration resulting a mild protrusion around my L4 vertebra and he's recommending me for a downgrade.
very mixed feelings about the results cuz it would mean that i have to leave this base where i have made so many good pals. But it also means that i don't have to go through all that shit and have a CHANCE at my dream 8-5 stayout job.
i know I've been complaining hellova lot about my squadron and some of the commanders but there are plenty of good people both among the men and among the commanders. It will really be a shame to have to leave the squadron. Hopefully I'll be able to get a job in the squadron's S1 dept or smthg? haha... That'll be the best. Will still be able to hang out with the guys and will not have to change my life around too much.
we shall have to see, no?
went to the doc today. The mri report says that I'm suffering frm chronic disc disintegration resulting a mild protrusion around my L4 vertebra and he's recommending me for a downgrade.
very mixed feelings about the results cuz it would mean that i have to leave this base where i have made so many good pals. But it also means that i don't have to go through all that shit and have a CHANCE at my dream 8-5 stayout job.
i know I've been complaining hellova lot about my squadron and some of the commanders but there are plenty of good people both among the men and among the commanders. It will really be a shame to have to leave the squadron. Hopefully I'll be able to get a job in the squadron's S1 dept or smthg? haha... That'll be the best. Will still be able to hang out with the guys and will not have to change my life around too much.
we shall have to see, no?
Saturday, July 22, 2006
:: Live in Fear ::
There is one flaw in the way the army is run that does not seem right to me. And that is the fact that everyone lives in the fear of consequences of their actions and that fear is used to control them.
Every training exercise we conduct has a safety brief and in the safety brief phrases like "better not _______, or else you going to answer for it" and "if you _______, you'd better watch out". Pretty standard threats but the thing is that once you hear them so many times, you grow immune to them. To me, warnings about breaches in SOP should be rationalised. We should be allowed to know the reason why something is not done in this manner instead of another way.
For example, weapons training. We live in constant fear of our rifles. Words like "chamber explosion", "weapon jam" etc are used to remind us about the killing power we have in our hands. No doubt I agree that a certain amount of healthy respect has to be given to the fact that the inanimate metal object in our hands has the power to take the life of someone else and our own if we are not careful. But the one thing that I don't quite agree on is the inbred FEAR of the weapon. Technical handling lessons on the weapon should not just consist of the immediate actions to be taken when the weapon jams but more onto the mechanical functioning of the weapon. Once someone knows what exactly each part of the rifle does and how to maintain the rifle, I'm sure that accidents will be more infrequent. Right now, I believe that weapon maintenance by each soldier is not taken seriously.
I must apologise that of late most, in fact probably all, of my posts have been about the army. I can't help it. Unfortunately that's the only thing that I have time for in my life right now. There isn't an awful lot of time that is spent outside of camp so I don't really do much. It's seriously painful how much the army has taken away from my normal life and how I miss civilian lifestyle. hah... Now I'm even calling it CIVILIAN. A few months ago, it wouldn't be called civilian. It would be called normal.
080208. That is a date to be remembered. ORD. and back to normal life... whew.
countdown: 565 days to ORD.
There is one flaw in the way the army is run that does not seem right to me. And that is the fact that everyone lives in the fear of consequences of their actions and that fear is used to control them.
Every training exercise we conduct has a safety brief and in the safety brief phrases like "better not _______, or else you going to answer for it" and "if you _______, you'd better watch out". Pretty standard threats but the thing is that once you hear them so many times, you grow immune to them. To me, warnings about breaches in SOP should be rationalised. We should be allowed to know the reason why something is not done in this manner instead of another way.
For example, weapons training. We live in constant fear of our rifles. Words like "chamber explosion", "weapon jam" etc are used to remind us about the killing power we have in our hands. No doubt I agree that a certain amount of healthy respect has to be given to the fact that the inanimate metal object in our hands has the power to take the life of someone else and our own if we are not careful. But the one thing that I don't quite agree on is the inbred FEAR of the weapon. Technical handling lessons on the weapon should not just consist of the immediate actions to be taken when the weapon jams but more onto the mechanical functioning of the weapon. Once someone knows what exactly each part of the rifle does and how to maintain the rifle, I'm sure that accidents will be more infrequent. Right now, I believe that weapon maintenance by each soldier is not taken seriously.
I must apologise that of late most, in fact probably all, of my posts have been about the army. I can't help it. Unfortunately that's the only thing that I have time for in my life right now. There isn't an awful lot of time that is spent outside of camp so I don't really do much. It's seriously painful how much the army has taken away from my normal life and how I miss civilian lifestyle. hah... Now I'm even calling it CIVILIAN. A few months ago, it wouldn't be called civilian. It would be called normal.
080208. That is a date to be remembered. ORD. and back to normal life... whew.
countdown: 565 days to ORD.
Friday, July 14, 2006
:: Fuck the Army ::
Yes I'm saying it and I'm saying it again.... Balls to the army....
fuck sia. We did everything perfect today and we still booked out at fucking 10pm... Then what's the point of doing everything nicely.... Perfect or fucked standard we still get the same thing. So why bother to put in the effort.
I'm using VERY VERY mild language right now... It's amazing I've had the control not to smash anything cuz I so deeply want to.
fucking hell... We finished everything at abt 7 pm and though the other platoons still had to send arms, they i.e. the sgts took their own sweet time to get everything done. I swear things could be done a lot more smoother if they let us take some fucking initiative. But if we do, we get fucked for not waiting for instructions. And at times when we don't, we get fucked for not being pro-active enough... What the fuck is that all about?? Two totally conflicting points set by them.
to me, I don't see the point in doing anything well for them. They are a bunch of worthless, incompetent dumbfucks who are just put into this dumping ground of a vocation. Trust me. I have many more adjectives that I wanna use but many of them are way too vulgar to use on the internet [there might be kids reading this and I've already used too many Fs]. I don't care anymore. Balls to the army. I'm just going to do the bare minimum required and I'm going to do my best to get out of everything and anything possible. Wasting fucking two years of my life.
to those out there who still hold fantasies of the army as this mega-cool, ultra-mundo place with state-of-the-art facilities and tools, high tech defense capabilities and maximised efficiency. Wake up before I go over and slap you.
Yes I'm saying it and I'm saying it again.... Balls to the army....
fuck sia. We did everything perfect today and we still booked out at fucking 10pm... Then what's the point of doing everything nicely.... Perfect or fucked standard we still get the same thing. So why bother to put in the effort.
I'm using VERY VERY mild language right now... It's amazing I've had the control not to smash anything cuz I so deeply want to.
fucking hell... We finished everything at abt 7 pm and though the other platoons still had to send arms, they i.e. the sgts took their own sweet time to get everything done. I swear things could be done a lot more smoother if they let us take some fucking initiative. But if we do, we get fucked for not waiting for instructions. And at times when we don't, we get fucked for not being pro-active enough... What the fuck is that all about?? Two totally conflicting points set by them.
to me, I don't see the point in doing anything well for them. They are a bunch of worthless, incompetent dumbfucks who are just put into this dumping ground of a vocation. Trust me. I have many more adjectives that I wanna use but many of them are way too vulgar to use on the internet [there might be kids reading this and I've already used too many Fs]. I don't care anymore. Balls to the army. I'm just going to do the bare minimum required and I'm going to do my best to get out of everything and anything possible. Wasting fucking two years of my life.
to those out there who still hold fantasies of the army as this mega-cool, ultra-mundo place with state-of-the-art facilities and tools, high tech defense capabilities and maximised efficiency. Wake up before I go over and slap you.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
:: Dreamless Nights and Endless Days ::
it's strange that in camp I never dream at all.... One moment I close my eyes and fall asleep and the next it's 0530h and time to wake up.... There's nothing in between. I guess it's because I'm just too tired. Days are passing very slowly as well. Time seems to slow in that camp. Bookout day always seems to be so far away but when it finally comes, the time spent out of camp whirls by so quickly. haha.. The only time in the army that passes quickly is bookout time and admin time [that's what they call the free time given to us at night]. Other than that, the clock just ticks slowly by.
I have decided that I'm not going to waste any time that I am given in camp. We do get quite a lot of free time at night after our last activity so I want to use that time to learn something. My first objective is to learn a new language. I was actually considering Spanish or German but I decided on Portuguese instead since my grandma was Portuguese Eurasian. Later in my ns life, I'll be also getting some physics textbooks so that I can keep my mind up to standard so I won't be so far behind when I finally ord and get back to studying. Hopefully by the end of the ns phase in my life, I'll be able to say that I have done something useful instead of wasting the two years of my life.
it used to be just an ache after a long run, but now my back is constantly in pain. I can't stand or sit in one position for very long cuz it'll start hurting like mad. I went to the specialist that dad recommended and he wrote in his diagnosis that it could be either a muscle strain or a disc prolapse. I'm going for a scan and xray at the end of the month to try and confirm his diagnosis. Hopefully it's nothing too costly but so far everything has been covered by my NSF status. Free medical care... woohoo!! But still. I hope it's not too serious cuz I'm still young and I have a lot of things that I wanna do with my life. I don't want to be limited by something like a back injury. And if worse comes to worse, I wanna remain surgery-free for as long as possible or better yet for my entire lifespan. But we'll just have to see how things go eh?
it's strange that in camp I never dream at all.... One moment I close my eyes and fall asleep and the next it's 0530h and time to wake up.... There's nothing in between. I guess it's because I'm just too tired. Days are passing very slowly as well. Time seems to slow in that camp. Bookout day always seems to be so far away but when it finally comes, the time spent out of camp whirls by so quickly. haha.. The only time in the army that passes quickly is bookout time and admin time [that's what they call the free time given to us at night]. Other than that, the clock just ticks slowly by.
I have decided that I'm not going to waste any time that I am given in camp. We do get quite a lot of free time at night after our last activity so I want to use that time to learn something. My first objective is to learn a new language. I was actually considering Spanish or German but I decided on Portuguese instead since my grandma was Portuguese Eurasian. Later in my ns life, I'll be also getting some physics textbooks so that I can keep my mind up to standard so I won't be so far behind when I finally ord and get back to studying. Hopefully by the end of the ns phase in my life, I'll be able to say that I have done something useful instead of wasting the two years of my life.
it used to be just an ache after a long run, but now my back is constantly in pain. I can't stand or sit in one position for very long cuz it'll start hurting like mad. I went to the specialist that dad recommended and he wrote in his diagnosis that it could be either a muscle strain or a disc prolapse. I'm going for a scan and xray at the end of the month to try and confirm his diagnosis. Hopefully it's nothing too costly but so far everything has been covered by my NSF status. Free medical care... woohoo!! But still. I hope it's not too serious cuz I'm still young and I have a lot of things that I wanna do with my life. I don't want to be limited by something like a back injury. And if worse comes to worse, I wanna remain surgery-free for as long as possible or better yet for my entire lifespan. But we'll just have to see how things go eh?
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
:: Depression sets in ::
sigh. At first I was happy to get the RP posting. Two weeks of training and an 8-5 after that. Sounds brilliant. But noooo. The army really is out to suck every possible piece of happiness frm my life. I'm now posted to the Field Defence Squadron which is basically an RP with a fancy name. Another difference is that instead of going through the normal two week RP training course I have to go through a 15 week FDS training course after which I get to do exactly the same duties as an RP. WTF!! This is not my idea of "fun".
I can't say that I've ever hated any sch or training institute that I've been posted to. But now I can. I just feel miserable in that camp. Everything is olive, army green. Serious. Buildings, trees, vehicles. Everything.... It's just totally, utterly and unbearably depressing. Everything there is a dull shade of green and there is no life there at all. In the day, you hardly every see anyone cuz they're all in the hangers and at the airfield. And in the night, you're the only stay-in unit so the whole base is empty cept for my squadron.
BMT is just a phase. POP is a lie of a celebration. ORD is the beginning of a better life. And once you get that magic letter many many years down the road telling you that you are no longer liable to go for reservice, that is the goal.
sigh. At first I was happy to get the RP posting. Two weeks of training and an 8-5 after that. Sounds brilliant. But noooo. The army really is out to suck every possible piece of happiness frm my life. I'm now posted to the Field Defence Squadron which is basically an RP with a fancy name. Another difference is that instead of going through the normal two week RP training course I have to go through a 15 week FDS training course after which I get to do exactly the same duties as an RP. WTF!! This is not my idea of "fun".
I can't say that I've ever hated any sch or training institute that I've been posted to. But now I can. I just feel miserable in that camp. Everything is olive, army green. Serious. Buildings, trees, vehicles. Everything.... It's just totally, utterly and unbearably depressing. Everything there is a dull shade of green and there is no life there at all. In the day, you hardly every see anyone cuz they're all in the hangers and at the airfield. And in the night, you're the only stay-in unit so the whole base is empty cept for my squadron.
BMT is just a phase. POP is a lie of a celebration. ORD is the beginning of a better life. And once you get that magic letter many many years down the road telling you that you are no longer liable to go for reservice, that is the goal.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
:: Siansation ::
sigh. I can't emphasise more than I already have how much I hate the army. As my block leave is coming to a close in a matter of days, I begin to dread more and more the thought of having to go back to the army lifestyle. I'd so much rather be working right now. For one, I'd be getting so much more that the peanuts that the government is paying us AND I'd be out there doing something a lot more interesting that anything the army has to offer me.
most of all, I hate the lack of freedom. I hate having to conform to their timetable. aarrgghh... Constricting. To me it's really like a prison. Stuck in there unable to get out and nothing you can do about it. Do what can anyone of us do? It's LAW.
I continuously remind myself that one year ten months is a very short time to serve, plus now that my bmt is over, I only have about one year eight months to go. But it still seems like a bloooooody long time more to go. Frankly, I can't wait til ORD. It's like marked out on my calendar. One day at a time, babe.
sigh. I can't emphasise more than I already have how much I hate the army. As my block leave is coming to a close in a matter of days, I begin to dread more and more the thought of having to go back to the army lifestyle. I'd so much rather be working right now. For one, I'd be getting so much more that the peanuts that the government is paying us AND I'd be out there doing something a lot more interesting that anything the army has to offer me.
most of all, I hate the lack of freedom. I hate having to conform to their timetable. aarrgghh... Constricting. To me it's really like a prison. Stuck in there unable to get out and nothing you can do about it. Do what can anyone of us do? It's LAW.
I continuously remind myself that one year ten months is a very short time to serve, plus now that my bmt is over, I only have about one year eight months to go. But it still seems like a bloooooody long time more to go. Frankly, I can't wait til ORD. It's like marked out on my calendar. One day at a time, babe.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
:: End of Part 1 ::
and so it is.... No longer will I be returning to Falcon Coy. The nine weeks are finally over. No matter how much I hated the army I have to say that I enjoyed my life in Falcon. It's was not slack. Hard work was done. But when it came to play, every Falcon was ready to rock.
I know that there are many people that do not really like Falcon Coy cuz we appear slack and welfare. But look at the stats. We have the least OOTs, report sick personal and the Games Day Championship. What can I say? Falcon rocks!!
but it's not the winning and etc that makes me happy to be a Faclon. It's the people there... Sure there are some assholes around but they are the minority. The rest of the people there are super good friends to have and even our commanders are people that are seriously worthy to be role models for us [unlike some frm other coys, but I shall not explain deeper].
now that the POP is over and we have graduated frm BMTC, there will be many unknowns. Like where will we go frm here and what will become of the many friends that we have made throughout the nine weeks? Such uncertainties are inevitable but what can the assured is that the bond that we share as falcons will always be there.
my nine weeks were neither enjoyable nor unbearable. Not to say I didn't like my time there or I didn't' suffer tgr with the rest. But I think that OC sir has found a perfect balance of "welfare" and tough training. Kudos to him for that.
Farewells are always sad. And I'm sad to have to say goodbye to my sergeants in tekong. But I'll always jump at the chance to go back and say hi...
and so it is.... No longer will I be returning to Falcon Coy. The nine weeks are finally over. No matter how much I hated the army I have to say that I enjoyed my life in Falcon. It's was not slack. Hard work was done. But when it came to play, every Falcon was ready to rock.
I know that there are many people that do not really like Falcon Coy cuz we appear slack and welfare. But look at the stats. We have the least OOTs, report sick personal and the Games Day Championship. What can I say? Falcon rocks!!
but it's not the winning and etc that makes me happy to be a Faclon. It's the people there... Sure there are some assholes around but they are the minority. The rest of the people there are super good friends to have and even our commanders are people that are seriously worthy to be role models for us [unlike some frm other coys, but I shall not explain deeper].
now that the POP is over and we have graduated frm BMTC, there will be many unknowns. Like where will we go frm here and what will become of the many friends that we have made throughout the nine weeks? Such uncertainties are inevitable but what can the assured is that the bond that we share as falcons will always be there.
my nine weeks were neither enjoyable nor unbearable. Not to say I didn't like my time there or I didn't' suffer tgr with the rest. But I think that OC sir has found a perfect balance of "welfare" and tough training. Kudos to him for that.
Farewells are always sad. And I'm sad to have to say goodbye to my sergeants in tekong. But I'll always jump at the chance to go back and say hi...
Saturday, May 20, 2006
:: The Fifth Person ::
I can't believe that there are such people in this world. Willing to let his platoon-mates, section-mates and his buddy suffer just cuz he was too fucking ball-less to own up for something that he did. That's just mindblowing and a little sad in a way. Sad because he doesn't have the integrity to take the consequences of his actions like a man...
but what's done is done. Closed case... Forgive and hope that he can learn to feel guilt and have some integrity.
you know what... I really don't like the army lifestyle. It's only been 7 or 8 weeks into my NS liability and I really can't stand it. There are many out there aiming to be a commissioned officer or a sergeant or some big shot like that. But I'm honestly not looking for something like that. I just wanna find a quiet place to live out my two yrs in the SAF without have to go thru all that "yes, sir", "yes, sergeant" crap. I'm am NOT CHAO KENG. I'm not a slacker just looking to get out of NS by any means possible. It's just that I don't see the point. Back when I was training with the rugby team there was a point. There was a point in pushing my limits and trying my best. There was an aim. a goal. We achieved that and we're proud of it. For NS there is nothing to aim for. Nothing that can give me that sense of satisfaction. a badge on my no. 4 for getting gold or silver for ippt. I don't need badges and medals. Acing my SOC so I can brag about it. What's there to brag about anyway?
there is just nothing that I fin fulfilling in the SAF. Of course there will be many out there who will think very differently frm me. But what can I do about them. It's my opinion and it's their opinion. We have a right to our own. You may not agree with what I say but that doesn't matter to me. I'm happy that you get what you want. But I'm sorry that it doesn't mean much to me.
this bookout represents the beginning of the end of my bmt life. To tell you the truth. I was just beginning to really enjoy the company and companionship of the people around me and in my platoon. And now that it's about three weeks to POP I can't help but feel a bit sorrowful that we have to part in some way and I hope that we'll be able to keep in contact no matter where we're posted to. Whichever unit, sispec or ocs, we'll still be Falcon Platoon 3.
CLEAN TOILET, HAPPY PLATOON!
I can't believe that there are such people in this world. Willing to let his platoon-mates, section-mates and his buddy suffer just cuz he was too fucking ball-less to own up for something that he did. That's just mindblowing and a little sad in a way. Sad because he doesn't have the integrity to take the consequences of his actions like a man...
but what's done is done. Closed case... Forgive and hope that he can learn to feel guilt and have some integrity.
you know what... I really don't like the army lifestyle. It's only been 7 or 8 weeks into my NS liability and I really can't stand it. There are many out there aiming to be a commissioned officer or a sergeant or some big shot like that. But I'm honestly not looking for something like that. I just wanna find a quiet place to live out my two yrs in the SAF without have to go thru all that "yes, sir", "yes, sergeant" crap. I'm am NOT CHAO KENG. I'm not a slacker just looking to get out of NS by any means possible. It's just that I don't see the point. Back when I was training with the rugby team there was a point. There was a point in pushing my limits and trying my best. There was an aim. a goal. We achieved that and we're proud of it. For NS there is nothing to aim for. Nothing that can give me that sense of satisfaction. a badge on my no. 4 for getting gold or silver for ippt. I don't need badges and medals. Acing my SOC so I can brag about it. What's there to brag about anyway?
there is just nothing that I fin fulfilling in the SAF. Of course there will be many out there who will think very differently frm me. But what can I do about them. It's my opinion and it's their opinion. We have a right to our own. You may not agree with what I say but that doesn't matter to me. I'm happy that you get what you want. But I'm sorry that it doesn't mean much to me.
this bookout represents the beginning of the end of my bmt life. To tell you the truth. I was just beginning to really enjoy the company and companionship of the people around me and in my platoon. And now that it's about three weeks to POP I can't help but feel a bit sorrowful that we have to part in some way and I hope that we'll be able to keep in contact no matter where we're posted to. Whichever unit, sispec or ocs, we'll still be Falcon Platoon 3.
CLEAN TOILET, HAPPY PLATOON!
Friday, May 12, 2006
:: Fly as a Falcon ::
after two long weeks in camp, I can finally come home. And it feels great.
I'm getting used to the army life. Not to say that I like it. In fact it is quite the opposite. I really find that I'm not suited to life as a soldier. I can't stand taking orders frm people that can be quite unreasonable and I hate the disorganised way things are done in the army. You find yourself waiting a damn long time doing nothing when you could be doing something else more productive. But ultimately my name is REC W M BONG, so I don't really have a say in anything. Just follow blindly and chiong...
on the other hand, I do kinda like living together with all my bunkmates. The communal living experience is something really incredible. It really builds up a sense of camaraderie. cuz it's us against the sergeants...
I won't mention names but there are some sergeants that are really too much. There is one particular sgt that really has the temper of a three-year-old. It's damn dumb. He explodes when you least expect it and over the smallest things. Oh well... What can you do....
after two long weeks in camp, I can finally come home. And it feels great.
I'm getting used to the army life. Not to say that I like it. In fact it is quite the opposite. I really find that I'm not suited to life as a soldier. I can't stand taking orders frm people that can be quite unreasonable and I hate the disorganised way things are done in the army. You find yourself waiting a damn long time doing nothing when you could be doing something else more productive. But ultimately my name is REC W M BONG, so I don't really have a say in anything. Just follow blindly and chiong...
on the other hand, I do kinda like living together with all my bunkmates. The communal living experience is something really incredible. It really builds up a sense of camaraderie. cuz it's us against the sergeants...
I won't mention names but there are some sergeants that are really too much. There is one particular sgt that really has the temper of a three-year-old. It's damn dumb. He explodes when you least expect it and over the smallest things. Oh well... What can you do....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)