::pissed::
got back my econs today. bloody hell. I got a 44.4%. just like 0.1% away frm getting rounded up to a passing grade. but that's not the part that really got me down. it was the fact that I really studied for the midyrs and I got back these kinda results.
fucking hell. even though I'm really embarrassed about my maths results being so absolutely rock bottom, I know that I deserved it cuz I sacrificed it to mug for econs. and even with me sacrificing a subject I still got crap marks. what the hell. was real disappointed. even some retail therapy didn't really help (I bought new shoes finally. my old pair was worn to the bare threads).
so far I haven't even got a single A pass. if I don't get something from my phys I swear I'll take the "express lift" from the tallest HDB flat around school.
common. I can't say that I've worked my butt off to the bone but at least I know that I have worked hard enough to deserve AT LEAST an A pass. and I can't even get that. was really pissed off when I left school.

::more pissed::
got even more pissed when I got home.
the first thing I saw was that idiotic maid of ours standing on a stool chatting away with the neighbour's maid.
the second thing I saw was the canvas that should be over my bike lying on the floor. I can only presume that the wind blew it off.
the third thing I saw was rows of WET clothing hanging up to dry directly ABOVE the bikes dripping away.

the point of the matter is that the idea of having the canvas over the bikes in the first place is to protect the bikes from the weather, my dog's fur and esp water cuz water can do plenty damage to the bikes if it gets into more sensitive parts of the bike like the CGI or the air filter. and she goes and hangs wet clothes over the bikes to drip dry.
no. I'm not just angry over something like that. as soon as I got back, the first thing I had to do when I was tired from school was to cover the bikes back which took no more than twenty seconds. don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining about doing things myself. I'm no spoilt brat. but the thing is she can't do this herself when it is in plain sight that something has to be done. oh no. she just happily goes on chatting with her friend.
was really fuming by then but didn't want to tell her off in front of her friend.

::lagi pissed off::
as if I wasn't in a bad mood already.
the first thing I saw when I reached my room, my classical guitar up on the table in my room.
the second thing I saw was my electric guitar UNDERNEATH it.

I know it doesn't really seem like a big deal. but it is to me. what if my guitars got scratched or damaged. I'm responsible for them. my dad will just say that I haven't been taking care of it.
and it's not like this is the first time that I have come home to this.
there's this nice spot on my spare table that I put my electric guitar and a nice place where I can lean my classical guitar. and that's the way that it's been. then she decides that the guitars are much "SAFER" being stacked up one on top of the other.
the first time it happened, I let to slide. I just put my classical guitar back against my shelves.

I put it down, she stacked it up.
I put it BACK down, she stacks it again.
I put it BACK down AGAIN, she stacks it up ONCE MORE.
I PUT IT DOWN AGAIN!
SHE STACKS IT UP YET AGAIN!
...
...
...
and on and on


I think you should get the idea. I seriously believe you are infinitely wiser than her.
does she think this is a fucking game? if she thinks it is, I'm bloody hell NOT amused.

::looking back. and I'm even more fucking pissed::
for goodness sake. I swear. the house has never been MORE dusty and dirty before the time when she first stepped into the place.
there's dust everywhere.
I really have an urge to tell her off REAL BAD. I'm talking serious telling off.

the point of having the maid is to make life easier for my 89 yr old grandfather. but i think she is giving him more headaches than ever.
for those of you that have met my grandfather, you all probably know what a miracle the man is. 89 and counting. and he is still so independent. able to renew his driving license and he even goes to Orchard to watch movies now and then.
he also does the groceries when I'm in school, my dad's at work and my sister's not at home. but he does still need help.
the arrangement with previous maids has always been that he'll drive down to get the groceries and when he reaches the gate he'll honk the horn and the maid'll come out and bring in the groceries. but everytime he honks, this women takes her own sweet time to
slowly...


come...


out...

by that time my grandfather (who is rather impatient) has already got most of the groceries in by himself.
I'm like, what the fuck. what the fuck are we paying you for. you don't really seem to be doing much.


she has really done some idiotic things.

READ THIS! I MEAN IT!! WON'T REGRET DE. LAUGH UNTIL PENG.
okie. here's the scene. my grandfather is cooking chicken rice. the type with the chicken steamed with the rice not the hainanese chicken rice type. the temp in the rice cooker is not enough to cook the chicken thoroughly so my grandfather instructed her to half cook the chicken before putting it into the cooker with the rice.

WAIT! STOP!! before proceeding. what do you understand by the term half cooked?
it means cooking the chicken lightly before putting it in the rice cooker, right?

he leaves the kitchen to continue with his mahjong game
she took the chicken and cut it into pieces and fried half
of the pieces and left the rest aside to be cooked later with the rice.
you should have seen his face when he came back. he really didn't know whether to start shouting at her. laugh til he cried. or just cry out of despair (not amusement).
I can't stand it anymore. my god. boiling point: 3 seconds.

::empty space between my ears::
oh man... whatever slim chance that i thot i had for getting a good grade for econs paper two were totally dashed.. what the hell.... forget dashed.. more like obliterated..
whatever white chick said was NOT the right thing to write was the stuff that i gave in my answers... i was sitting there with a "what the f**k" look on my face and left the lt wondering why i even bothered to wake up so early just for that...
eff-ed up the midyrs lar... my maths is like a total no hope lar.. phys still got a bit of hope... but i had pretty high hopes on my econs and that got f**ked up so if my phys goes the way of my econs, i'm pretty screwed...

::aaaaarrghhh!!!::
spent my monday slacking at ps. spent my tues slacking in sch. spent my wednesday slacking at home.
slack slack slack... what am i supposed to do? i'm totally broke.
spend my weeks allowance in a day. living off scraps for the rest of the week.
plus my ez link card is in the negative so i gotta find coins for bus fare.
feel like a blardy begger. i need some cash.
(donations are accepted in the form of cash or deposits into my bank acct. for futher info contact me personally)
i'm a lazy bastard.

::what can i do?::
i can't stop thinking. shd i let go? it pretty much appears that i shd.
but do i want to. of course not. i would like to continue filling my head with delusions of the happiest of outcomes but i'm also a bit more practical than that. i think.
i'm about to burst. i just can't hold everything in forever. yet i don't know how to express it.
there's no one that i really can talk to and let loose. it's just a really nasty feeling.
hrm. i just it's back to my normal self. just laugh it off and pretend nothing's happened.
i'd like a moment of solitude. away frm everyone. just to be by myself. but i don't have the time. A's are coming and are just abt four months away.

you caught me by surprise when you called. didn't know how to respond.
i don't wanna make you worried but at the same time i can't help it.
i don't know if i can fulfil my promise.

::Trapped and Confused::
why do i make things so difficult for myself?

::They're Coming::
"No one would have believed in the last years of the nineteenth century that this world was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than man's and yet as mortal as his own"
-H.G. Wells

The famous first line from H.G. Wells book War of the Worlds. Went to watch the latest movie adaptation of the book last night and muz say that i was rather impressed. it didn't really stick to the storyline in the book but some aspects of the book were still in there.

was thinking that it might be quite a disappiontment after being brought up listening to the Richard Burton reading of the book (excellent, go download or buy it). but was really on the edge of my seat throughout the two hours.

and they threw in a bit of the book in the mix just to keep a bit of authenticity. like the sinking of the ferry. reminicent of the sinking of the Thunder Child?

overall, really good movie. hey. let's put it this way. if was a gurl or gay (of which i am NEITHER!), Tom Cruise is totally mine.


::It's Over::
Finally the midyrs are over. what a relief. a bit of time to relax before the results come out. which i dread much more than Martians coming.
got a full lineup of stuff to do in the break before sch restarts next thurs.

::crashing into the sea::
i really dun noe what i'm doing. i'm like totally wasting my time concerning myself with things that are totally not necessary. why am i tearing myself up over something that though important to me should not be my main priority. my main priority should be studying for what's coming up in a few months time. and yet i'm here still stuck and not moving anywhere.
keep staring at my phys tys and not able to concentrate enough to do even one qn properly. just guessing the answers.
there's a song that really describes how i feel now. kinda embarassed to say which song. but it's been playing over and over on my player.

::picts::
hey. to any ruggers that reads my blog.
i uploaded some pics that was taken during our a div onto friendster.
i think you shd be able to access it even without a friendster acct.

Nanyang Rangers

and

Nanyang Ruggers

if you want the full collection of 185 photos contact guo feng or me.

::pressure mounting::
the midyrs are almost upon us.... just a day to go for the students taking econs and i still have quite a bit to cover for the essays.... oh man.. the first time that we're gonna be doing three essays in one sitting.... kinda intimidating....
my maths is totally gone case lar.... totally cannot make it de..... my trigo is crap lar... i can stare at the question and just go blank....
i hate this... i just don't have the discipline to just sit down and do my maths.... i know how impt it is... and i know that i can do it... cuz all the times that i have actually sat down and finished a tutorial i'm actually quite okie (poisson rox!!!....
i don't think i'm a very mathematically inclined person..... nor am i very good in phys and econs.... which leads me to wonder what i'm doing in this combi.... haha.... wierd.....

::loooonely::
looonely... i am so looonely....
i have nobooody... to call my ooooown.....

yeah... i'm lonely.... still can't stop thinking abt her....

::wasted day::
oh man... really kinda wasted today... didn't do anything at all.... was supposed to do my maths but in the end i ended up watching the british lions match on tv in the afternoon... sorry girl...
will try and make up for the wasted time today by studying extra tmr... it's just kinda hard to get to work when there are so many distractions at home... my tv, my computer, my stereo in my room is pretty cool (the bass on the thing is quite impressive in the small confines of my room).... then there's my guitars, the piano... argh... having the whole house to myself during the day is kinda like a double edged sword cuz i kinda get easily distracted.... maybe shd start studying in sch...

::mr lonely::
there were many things i wanted to tell her. but the words just stuck in my mouth.
i just sat there silent wanting to tell her but nothing came out except her name.
never told her how perfect she seems to me.
never told her how sweet she is.
or how wonderful it has been just knowing someone like her.
how wonderful it has been knowing her.
i'd really rather have her as my friend than nothing at all.
i do wish that we could be more. but if that's how she feels i've gotta respect that.
saw my first shooting star. it went by too fast for me to make a proper wish.
but i made one anyway. i hope it comes true.

[thank you for telling me straight. i knew that you prob knew what was going on. was sitting there trying to get the words out of my mouth. couldn't get anything out. hope that you and i will forever be able to call each other friends. even if i wish that i could be more to you, i've thankful to just be friends as well. i really enjoyed just sitting there with you talking. it really was a beautiful night. wish we stayed there longer]

::road to recovery?::
taking some time off to relax for a while.... let myself settle down first then get into a proper rhythm in the build up to my exams.... haven't been feeling myself lately... something's just not right....
i've got a week to relax before i get back to the books, so i'm gonna make good use of it to just chill and get my mind off things....
don't think i'll be blogging for a couple of weeks.... just to give myself a break.... but don't take me off the blogs-to-read list... i might drop in now and again....
c ya peeps